POT MOVIE DON'TS

Many movies have given a false impression of on-screen marijuana. For the first-time tetrahydrocinéaste, here are some common pitfalls to avoid:

1) Very important: Pot does not cause hallucinations. While largely relegated to the cutting-room floor of movie history, the zany weed hallucination can still attract a considerable pull on those who pee a pure, rosewatery stream. Resist this pull at all costs.

2) Pot does not open up the hearts of longtime enemies and reveal the universal humanity in all of us.

3) While funny, stoners are not laff-a-minute Charlie the Drunk characters in the classic mode.

4) Despite what its most enthusiastic proponents may claim, pot does not give its users special Zen-like capabilities that enhance test-taking abilities and proficiency in performing feats of skill.*

* One possible exception to this rule may be snowboarding, a scientific anomaly that we hope will be addressed in the upcoming Meet the Deedles.