Entertainment Tonight

Rachel got a new cut,
We got all the scoop.
Fergie flashed us her butt,
We're such nincompoops.
And we're smilin' and laughin',
  and blonde, oh ET fa-an!

Urkel turned 24,
We got videotape.
Leo's new Labrador,
It's in super shape.
The country's just getting dumber,
  and we help all we ca-an!

Here we are on set,
Dancing with the grips,
Getting all the tips,
'Bout a hot new show.

Here I'm on my knees,
Making the gaffer smile.
Will it be worthwhile?
For the la-test news on that kid,
  whowas!, in Jer-ry Ma-guire!

Is Willie Aames still alive?
Star of CD-ROMS.
Did Shaq O'Neill drink and drive?
He sure is "da bomb."
We don't care about the Balkans,
  they're such a buzz kill

Who's Gwyneth fucking this week?
More more more more more!
A has-been turned Jesus freak,
Charlie Sheen's new whore.
Entertainment Tonight
  is the cure for all that ills!