You guys are just so precious. Really.

Thanks for the jibe at tech writers. I appreciate witty (or even half-witty) humor about my profession. I've been reading Suck sporadically for the last year - my God, all that wasted time - and now I finally have a question:

Why wasn't a Suck writer listed as one of the worst jobs? I mean, don't you ever get tired of complaining?

True, tech writers often live for the small moments. I could be writing proposals regarding state-of-the-art aerospace science (as I currently am), or I could be hacking out a living "writing" bullshit like menus for restaurants or yet another tiresome Dummies guide. However, my profession is in high demand. I've never been employed for more than a day, I make excellent money, and I have my pick of interesting and challenging jobs. Plus, I don't have to list "Suck writer" on my résumé.

And the horse you rode in on,

Stephan Cartlidge

• Co-workers have smug demeanor of Craig Kilborn, minus the Cali-boy good looks.
• Goal is to be half-witty, but, paradoxically, you're a dimwit with an attitude problem.

Pros:

• Despite these mitigating circumstances, your readers (mostly lobotomized teenagers) seem to have the utmost patience with the stupid minutiae of your weak mind.
• You can read dumb magazines and pass it off as "research into popular culture."

Job Requirements:

• Keep taking bizarre pride in your addled, alienated, resentful, self-loathing state.
• Plug away on your abrasive fiddle.
• Send disparaging emails.
• Mutter cynical comments to yourself under your breath rather than address anything constructively.

Editor's Mantra:

"Make this better."

Definite Sign of Mental Instability:

"Polly, this was the best Filler ever! PLEASE keep airing your dirty laundry - I can't get enough!"

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