So you're sold! You're asking, "Where do I sign up?" You're jumping out of your seat; you're ready for your date with Steve!

Not so fast, lady! First we need to know a few very important things about you.

QUIZ YOU MUST TAKE TO DATE STEVE

1. How attractive are you?

a. Extremely
b. Unbelievably
c. People sometimes faint when they see me
d. I have to avoid major intersections so as to prevent multiple-car pileups

2. How smart are you?

a. Very smart
b. Extremely fucking smart
c. So incredibly smart no one can believe it
d. I easily qualify for that genius club, but who wants to join some club filled with little geniuses who're all excited about how fucking genius-like they are?

3. How funny are you?

a. Oh, I'm funny
b. Everyone I know laughs all the damn time when I'm around
c. My nickname is Comedy Central
d. I try not to pull out my full arsenal of wit to avoid injuring anyone or causing anyone to leave their wives for me

4. Do you live in Seattle?

a. What is this, some kind of a Nora Ephron thing?
b. No, but I can drive there very fast in my very fast car
c. No, but I can fly there in my private jet
d. Yeah, so what?

5. Your ideal man spends a lot of his time ...

a. lying
b. making weak excuses
c. bitching and moaning
d. burping loudly
e. all of the above