YOUR EX-FRIENDS AND EX-LOVERS

They all went out with the same squirrelly horn dog, and they all got used up and thrown away like so much snotty Kleenex. But now it's time to trade stories and name names. A breathtakingly catty excursion through the lives of the wronged, destined to make any Mr. Flinchy squirm uncomfortably for the first hour and then finally flee the theater, pale-faced and demoralized.

I STILL KNOW WHO YOU DID LAST SUMMER

Unable to overcome her anger about her boyfriend's cheating after a full year, our heroine dons a fisherman's coat and a hideous hook, determined to scare the living daylights out of him. With the cold calculation of the mistreated, she begins sending him blood-curdling little notes, indicating that she knows the date, time, and locations of his little amorous encounters as well as the many obvious physical, mental, and emotional flaws of the woman involved. A creepy yet deeply satisfying tale of revenge!

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE OF SALAD DRESSING

Here's a message: Any woman in her right mind would ditch that sniveling, emotionless pussy Kevin Costner and make a beeline for his unbelievably hot father, Paul Newman - be he 80, 90, whatever. We love him and his salad dressing ... and his spaghetti sauce and anything else he puts his fine face on.