Hey you yuppies! Are you having trouble enjoying your chai latte in peace, thanks to the little bed-headed smartasses sneering at you from behind their black, horn-rimmed glasses? Are you tired of finding scratches on your Range Rover every morning, thanks to those snot-nosed artsy fucks who don't have anything better to revolt against than cell phones and overpriced handbags?

It's time to disguise yourself as an urban hipster!

But how long will you have to shamelessly cow to the hipster look and demeanor? Just until La Rondalla and El Farolito close down to make way for The Gap, Banana Republic, and Z Gallerie, at which point you can let your expensively coifed yuppie hair down and breathe free once more!