Oh well, what does it matter. If this guy ever gets "off message" for even a single second it sure won't be when I'm in the room. Besides, Keyes knows he has no chance of becoming president. He's a "message candidate"; a latter day Billy Sunday who's assigned himself the role of America's Moral Barometer. He's looking for CONVERTS, not voters. He plays this role to the absolute hilt, so that even if his campaign fails to pull the Republican platform farther to the right, Keyes has surely drummed up a lot of speaking engagements for himself.

He plays his role so well, in fact, that he's turned himself into a 2-dimensional character in order to make himself more "packageable" to the media he claims to despise. He should be GLAD of his meager 5% of the vote, since it lends him just the right amount of influence and credibility, but not TOO much. If he were actually WINNING in the primaries the press would tear him to pieces, and there's no way a man as prideful as Keyes could deal with that. He'd go berserk!

So count your blessings, Alan Keyes. You've enjoyed more than your allotted 15 minutes of fame already — now go out and get yourself a REAL job!

THE END

(Thanks to: Eric Reynolds, Rhea Patton and Joanne Bagge! — PB)

words and pictures Peter Bagge