This is the second year that the brother and sister act of Donny and Marie Osmond hosted the Miss America Pageant. "Only it's not to be called a 'pageant' anymore," Donny informs us. "It's just 'Miss America' now." (ABC's focus groups must have revealed that the public will watch a pageant only if they DON'T KNOW it's a pageant).

Donny and Marie promised a continuation of last year's show: faster, louder, more up-to-date. You know, COOLER. And they'll be wearing black leather sports coats just in case there's still any doubt about their Cool Agenda, while they simultaneously engage in their self-deprecating Regis and Kathy Lee-like banter that they perfected on their now-defunct daytime TV show. Cool!

Marie likes the idea of narrowing the focus of the show down to the 10 finalists (while leaving the 41 other contestants out in the cold), "so we can get to know them better." That is, if we aren't too distracted by the addition of the now-omnipresent Hunky Male Dancers; or aren't thoroughly blown away by "O-Town," the finalists of the Reality TV show Making the Band. What conceptual synergy! And the kids are sure to dig it. They'd better! "Miss America needs to win back the younger audience," Marie confesses, and there's nothing quite like ruining a show in order to save it. After all, reviving sagging ratings is one of the greatest — as well as one of the COOLEST — American traditions of all!