Much to my amazement, Miss California — Rita Ng — agreed to an interview with me. Amazed because she was very in demand, and clearly a front runner: One of Glamour Magazine's "Top 10 Women Students of the Year" who just graduated from Stanford with a 3.9 average; a pre-med student who has done health-related volunteer field work in various third world hellholes; a talent finalist who performed a VERY ambitious Beethoven piece on the piano... AND she's cute. Yet here she is taking time out of her busy life to talk to me, Mr. Cooties.

Little Miss Accomplishment talked so fast that her mouth could hardly keep up with her words. She's a total nerd, which to me makes her even cuter, if not very Miss America-like. Still, I was convinced that she was going to win, and I told her so. "Aww, you're sweet!", she squeaked, but I assured her that I wasn't trying to be sweet: "You've got the looks, the talent AND the résumé — plus there's never been an Asian Miss America before. You said so yourself! Don't discount the politics, Girlie!", I blurted.

Suddenly she looked like her ulcer was acting up. She clearly didn't appreciate the suggestion that she'd be benefiting from tokenism — she's worked hard for everything she's ever earned, goshdarnit — nor does she share my cynical world view in general. "The Miss America Pageant has been a wonderful opportunity for me," she responded robotically. At that I excused myself, feeling like the bastard child of H. L. Mencken and Don Rickles.