EMPLOYMENT-CHALLENGED?

5) THE REHAB RELAXOID

Decide you're going to go nuts thinking about this job search thing unless you have a drink right now. Mmm, that's nice, isn't it? Sweet, nourishing whiskey. Have another drink. Nice. Have another drink. Have another drink. Have another one. Have another drink. Have another. Have another. And another. Go for it. Why not anodder? Hef anudder. Gozzanudder. Dassnutfuckin wadeyesed, mutherfugger.

Benefits: Rehab is a job-free zone where your parents are footing the bill. What could be better? Bonus: You'll anger and disappoint friends and family alike.

Drawbacks: Those mattresses at that rehab place aren't nearly firm enough.

6) THE APPLICATOR

Decide that you refuse to work at some arbitrary job that doesn't challenge you, teaches you nothing of importance, and requires that you grovel before the corporate gods. Resolve to "look into various graduate programs", particularly programs that don't require you to take the GREs or to have really good grades in college or to move to another state or to bust your ass academically. You know, really high-quality programs. Then spend the rest of the year "researching" and "applying to" these programs, then, when you finally get in, skip classes while claiming that you "love being back in an academic setting" and that you're "doing it the right way this time around."

Benefits: Others will suspend their disbelief for years, as long as talk of "education" is in the air; Massive student loans can be used as downpayment on a cool car!

Drawbacks: Might actually have to write papers and study.

Next... Fighting the unemployment blues.