Eventually the old Sunset Tavern, as well as the "Vasa" (which gets MY vote as the most insane bar I've EVER been in, what with its toothless Eskimo women hanging out in the toilet and hitting on my brother-in-law's 70-year-old mother while she's trying to pee) were under new ownership as well, which currently leaves only the neon lit, pull-tab happy "Smokeshop Lounge and Restaurant" as the one remaining genuine "dive" left on Ballard Ave's Tavern Row. They still don't serve any of those goddamn microbrews at the good ol' Smokeshop. It's either Bud or Rainier or Go Fuck Yerself! Hmmm... decisions, decisions... It's interesting how these All-American love-it-or-leave-it Archie Bunker types take a perverse pride in their LACK of choices.

The aptly named Smokeshop Lounge is choked with cigarette smoke. The last time I was there we took over a booth vacated by this frustrated Pakistani guy who blew a ton of money on dozens of worthless pull tabs that he left all over the table. They were all from a series called "Suds Studs(TM)," and each one had some pro-beer drinking "joke" in it (i.e.: "Eat right, Exercise, Drink lite beer, Die anyway"). These gags were "funny" only in the sense that alcoholism is "always funny," until you realize that a heroin addict could live by the same exact philosophy: "Quit cold turkey, Stay clean, Die anyway." Haw haw haw! Good one! Or how about: "Blow entire pay check on pull tabs, Lose again, Go home alone again, Die anyway." Oh man, I SLAY myself! I could make a MILLION writin' this stuff!