Let's face facts. Most so-called "friends" spend the vast majority of their time one-upping each other in a series of subtle yet intensely competitive ways. Instead of engaging in such petty pride wars, why not bring such events out into the open - sponsor them, televise them, even award cash prizes?

THE HIGHER-GROUND COMPETITION

One competitor attempts to have some good, clean fun at the expense of others, and the other competitor responds with a challenge to see who can take the highest ground.

THE HANG-GLIDE

Each participant tests the limits of his or her self-discipline in an attempt to "hang" the best.

THE DISMISSAL LAUNCH

A breathtaking matchup of wills, to see who can insult the other the most effectively while appearing utterly supportive.

THE FREESTYLE THERAPY TOSS

Contestants pair off in a battle of Nanny Nanny Boo-Boo, My Therapist Knows More Than You Do. Extra points for psychoanalytical low-blows.