LAP DANCING AT LUGHNASA

"You do not lap dance!" That's Kate Mundy (Meryl Streep), the eldest of five homely affection-starved sisters who keep their poor husbands away from the pleasures of paid favors. It's a tale of horniness and repression that highlights the unbearable unfairness of women who would stomp out the thoroughly innocent male urge to pay underprivileged women to straddle them vigorously and choke on their big members.

THE THIN PINK LINE

A misguided, thoroughly evil woman has taken a pin to her condoms. One ill-fated encounter, followed by a suspiciously cheerful pregnancy test, leaves our hero questioning the very meaning of life in this three-hour romantic drama that's really more about war than it is about love.