ROLLERBLADE RUNNER

Dear Polly,

How do you get rid of guilt, you ask? Well, aside from, as you suggest, turning gay (prohibitively expensive for most of us), there is another option ... Rollerblading.

The next time you see a Rollerblader, watch him/her carefully. You'll notice almost instantly that Rollerbladers have no guilt. Rollerbladers also have no shame, dignity, or self-respect. In fact, Rollerbladers have little or no feelings or emotions at all. Oh sure, they might glare angrily if you get in their way or they might yelp in pain if you bounce them off the hood of your car, but those are just instinctive reactions ... much like a paramecium being drawn to a light source.

Rollerbladers are simply grinning, pumping automatons that skate down the sidewalk in their Spandex shorts and their little helmets that have "Whoosh!" written on the side, humming Rick Astley tunes to themselves. The Rollerblader's only belongings in the world are kept in a fanny pack around his/her waist: a Snickers bar, a single-serving bottle of Sunny Delight, and sometimes a "Moovies" membership card.

No guilt for Rollerbladers, no sir ...

Matt Horgan
Matt.Horgan@sales.turner.com