ESCAPE FROM BITCH MOUNTAIN
Pros: Sandals and white clothes look good on everyone!
Cons: Friends and family play along but malign you behind your
back. Your new, more "centered" friends wear wooden jewelry, listen to
ambient music, and smell bad.
Pros: Might keep you from marrying the wrong person, sticking with
the wrong job, going crazy, beating someone up, or getting thrown in the
slammer.
Cons: Expensive, unpleasant, and just downright cheesy. For a while,
you have an irrational amount of hate for yourself, your family, and your
friends, and they all hate you too. In theory, this is supposed to change
eventually.
QUIZ!
What's the moral of the story?
a. Cynical people are overly sensitive romantics with grudges to bear.
Avoid them at all costs!
b. Therapy can be really unpleasant, particularly for crazy people!
c. Even birthdays aren't vacations from healing the shame that binds you!
d. Don't leave your kids at home alone without making sure that the Clamato
is safely out of reach!
Answer Key: 1. d
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