for 12 January 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Destination Unknown wow, that feed article on mst3k was pretty vicious. pointless, too. i thought about writing him initially but figured he already got mad, hard-core flames about it already and is probably therefore a lost cause in terms of discussion. just curious, do you agree with that stance? it's so unusual! i thought everyone was keen on mst3k. you have to wonder what kind of weirdo finds it offensive. it's so obviously good-hearted. i should actually go back and write some pseudointelligent flame message about his pretentiousness. fun party! "i am jack's complete lack of surprise" <kitatwork@cheerful.com> Writing a pseudointelligent flame message sounds like a really good idea! Try sending it to the person who wrote the article, and remember to send it to the appropriate Web magazine in which the article appeared. We are Feed's rude, unkempt, distant cousin, the Sucksters  It's a total drag that you don't support Macintosh. That's why I have unsubscribed. Carl Kravetz <jefe@ckideas.com> I am Suck's special guest editor, and I read it on a Macintosh every day. And enjoy it thoroughly. Perhaps your problem lies not in our HTML, but in your own hard heart. Did you guys see that Ramsey Electronics got attacked by the Feds for selling kids kits to make FM microphones? They raided and took all his stock, said he was helping terrorists — well, maybe he could. Even Radio Shack has these mikes, so there is a hell of a story here about customs agents wanting to look good for Y2K and looking like fools. TheseusRex <TheseusRex@compuserve.com> We wanted to look good for Y2K, too, but instead we got the flu and couldn't even choke down a glass of champagne. Did anyone notice how they cleared Times Square by 12:30 a.m. after New Year's Eve? How did they evacuate 2 million people in a half hour? Do they have huge leaf blowers that blow thousands of people out of the way, effortlessly? We want one of those. the Sucksters How long are we going to have to look at those fucking ATM emails? It was annoying enough to watch Suck drift off into Cal Thomas–esque rants (what's next, a defense of the eToys injunction against etoy? Support for the DVD lawsuit against 2600?) in the first place, but apparently this incisive new editorial voice must be reinforced by the infinite presence of those letters. Updated daily? Did I miss something? Musolino <subject@inch.com> 10009 Wow. If we knew how precariously your swings from mania to depression leaned upon our daily updates, we would take our duties more seriously. We will work harder! We promise! In the meantime: lithium, it's not just for breakfast, lunch, and dinner anymore! the Sucksters The Suck 1000 On your Web site there is an article called "Suck 1000." There is a typo, I believe. The sentence is as follows: "Since we consider the 20th century to be, without a doubt, the most exciting century of the last 100 years, ..." I believe the "100" should really be 1,000. Kristin Beck <kbeck62@hotmail.com> It's a joke, dummy. Rumor Time Subject: MARTIN - CO-STAR IS IT TRUE THAT TICHINA ARNOLD COMMITTED SUICIDE? Heidi Black <hmblack@cooper-energy-services.com> We can neither confirm nor deny this rumor. So we'll have to print it instead. Irresponsibly yours, the Sucksters Dear Sucksters, I am so sick of everything. And I do mean everything. Why read anything? Why watch anything on TV? What's new and interesting? What's old and interesting? I read "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again" about two years ago and I haven't read anything funny since. That David Foster Wallace is really great with the nonfiction. But now all he wants to do is write fictional fantasy shit that's either endless or pointless. Why can't he write more essays? On that note, why won't anyone do what I say? Why doesn't anyone follow my whims, supply according to my demands? I never trust anything on your Shit list, frankly. Why would I run out and buy a CD on faith, based on your recommendation? That's just stupid. But how else will I find out about the truly spectacular consumer items that I should purchase immediately? I mean, I have no friends. As if that bears mentioning, after this letter. Help me out, motherfuckers. You're my only hope. <boogiebear@hotmail.com> Boogiebear, We can't tell you about anything new and interesting, but there is one old interesting thing that, if you haven't seen it, will really thrill you. It's called Jesco the Dancing Outlaw. It's a video, a documentary, about this guy in West Virginia who dances, thinks he's Elvis, and, most important, says things like, "I don't want no wardo warin' my sunglasses." It sounds weak, but trust us on this one. Yes, people have known about Jesco for years. He appeared on Roseanne, for chrissakes. But if you yourself haven't seen the original Jesco video, you are in for a real treat. Here's the crazy thing, Boogiebear. After searching for several months for a copy of this gem, we finally called West Virginia Public Television (or maybe it's Virginia Public Television ...) and they said there are a mere six copies of Jesco left (the original — don't buy the second one, it's not remotely as good). We bought two copies, planning on sending one to our friend Steve (the guy you should be dating), leaving just four copies left for purchase! They're expensive, US$39 plus shipping, but Boogiebear, you won't regret it. Just call (800) 672 9672 and order your copy today. No, we have no stake in this matter. We only want hopeless pathetic Suck readers like yourself to snatch up the last four copies, thereby injecting a little joy in your otherwise bleak lives. Also wishing Mr. Wallace would write more essays about his bleak life and less rambling fictional inmate confessionals, the Sucksters |
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