for 29 February 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Filler: Men to Avoid Hmmm...let's see: Roughly 30% of the Filler columns I've read over the last two years have had some content suggesting extreme romantic (and, obviously, sexual) dissatisfaction. And, of course, every February I am "treated" to the unspeakable, cacophonous howl of unrequited longing that is the "Men/Women to Avoid" columns. My prognosis? Suicide. Robert Anderson <andersonr@hotmail.com> Oh dear, I'm made quite uncomfortable by the painful accuracy of your statements. All these long years of romantic and sexual dissatisfaction, all so obvious to the casual observer! Perhaps you've also noticed the very dissatisfying, unhealthy relationship I have with that little squirrel friend of mine, and maybe you also know all about my sordid history working for the "offices" of Duck Wong and associates. Oh god, then you've probably also picked up on the fact that I've resented my fish friend ever since he made a million from that Bubble Goo IPO of his. I feel so exposed! I should just end it all! Two years, and such anger in you! My prognosis? Stop reading Filler. Polly  Hit & Run this is a prime target for you guys to yack about: http://www.buddyhead.co m/other/hessian/love/page/ question- what does a regional germanic people known for their work as mercenaries for the British in the Revolutionary War have ANYTHING to do with heavy metal rednecks? just wondering. <rob.e.g@planetarymotion.net> Work on that short-term memory, Rob. You got to that page by following the link from today's Suck, remember? Anyway, if you are unaware of the strong connections between heavy metal and Teutonism, you've missed some crucial chapters in the history of American low culture. I spent years waiting for some band of headbangers to complete the illusion by dressing in powdered wigs and pantaloons like Frederick the Great, but for that we had to depend on Falco. yr pal, tim I deeply enjoyed your interview with Christopher Petro. Being just a great big teenager, I love to see more pranks and anarchy in the world, especially on such a grand scale as a presidential "chat." It illustrates just how silly the traditional media has gotten with their having-to- tie-everything- they-do- into-the- internet-to- feel-cooler. However, I was horribly dismayed that near the end of this interview, the opportunity was given to display opinions and shovel shit about the candidates in the current presidential election, which is hopefully still months away. This is, I realize, a common practice these days, what with it being an election year. But please stop. There was not enough irony in that exchange for me to suppress my nausea. Everybody in the presidential race this year is borderline-retarded. You know it too. The leading candidates might as well be Britney Spears and Pikachu. When you actually ask someone his or her honest opinion of the presidential race, it reduces the coolness level of the interview to that of Entertainment Weekly, a publication reflecting the mentality of humankind in the weeks before we came out with fire. You know and I know that news on the presidential race is little more than celebrity gossip. Please let more nihilistic cynicism show when you talk about that crap — that's what we love from Suck. Love and vitriol, The Pie Guy You said it, Pie Guy! When are the inside-the-beltway politicians going to wake up and realize that the American people don't want business as usual! We want real change!! I've had it up to here with all these special interests and these professional politicians who kowtow to their lobbyists!!! And don't even get me started on the so-called "Media Elite!" They just don't get it!! Let's send a message to the whole professional Washington crowd that we don't want to hear their baloney anymore!!! It's time for these turkeys to stop wasting our time with negative campaigning and start focusing on the issues that matter most to Americans!!!! Hopefully there will be an election or something in the next couple months so we can let them know that we want real reform and real results!!!!! yr pal, tim Re: PIX! You mean like the OLD days, when kids called up and did some voice-controlled video game stuff? Damn, I haven't thought of that in years.... Aidan No, Aidan, it was some other Channel 11 show that encouraged kids to yell "PIX! PIX! PIX!" over the phone as fast and loud as they possibly could. But do you remember another signal event in the WPIX day - the opinion minute, in which some ageless anchorman washout would stand in front of the building and make these impossibly bland editorials: "President Ford's refusal of the City's bailout request means New York will have to look elsewhere for fiscal solutions... Mayor Koch's neighborhood policing initiative will mean changes in law enforcement throughout the city.... City Opera's plan to offer affordable tickets creates both challenges and opportunities..." Then the big finish: "What's your opinion? We'd like to know." In all the years I watched him he never seemed to change. I suspect he had formaldehyde in his veins. I seem to remember him getting crazier toward the end, so that eventually he was saying stuff like, "Even the most open-minded New Yorkers now agree that Haitians are a blight on our community. What's your opinion? We'd like to know..." But that may be my imagination. Or maybe he was on Channel 5. yr pal, tim I was just wondering, and I know you guys didn't write it, but since when is Tabitha |
![[Tim Cavanaugh]](/fish/staff/images/tim.gif)
![[Copy Edit]](/fish/contributors/images/gies.gif){kind=small}
![[Phillip Bailey]](/fish/staff/images/phil.gif){kind=small}
![[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]](/fish/staff/images/erin.gif){kind=small}
![[Brian
Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]](/fish/staff/images/brian.gif)
![[the fixin'
pixie... ]](/fish/staff/images/emily.gif)
![[Ian
Connelly]](/fish/staff/images/ian.gif){kind=small}