for 21 April 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
|
|
Obytuaries Dear Sucksters, People who use e-mail to inform others of a death in the family obviously don't use a whole lot of tact... or is that how most people perceive e-mail is used? It is my experience that a majority of messages that float through my inbox are created without regard to proper punctuation or grammar. As well, the authors don't seem to add very much detail to these messages. Due to the faceless nature of e-mail, many messages can be misinterpreted because there is no emotion behind the words. But this is no excuse for trying to rent a room. Another example of this was presented to me when I visited Superduperheroes.com this week. A site designed to show the talents of a couple of artists, visitors were greeted with a message instead of their daily cartoon: "Due to the unexpected death of my Father, SuperDuperHeroes will be taking the current week off. We'll be back next week..." Russ Golightly <savagedragon@hotbot.com> Well it's easy enough to address the problem that there is no emotion behind the words: "Due to the unexpected death of my Father, SuperDuperHeroes will be taking the current week off. :-( We'll be back next week..." Sucksters  Hello, My name is Julio and I understood you are very rich, but you're not philanthropist. Any way, I wrote you because I REALLY NEED A HELP to go on my faculty. I'm student and I need to work to much for fees, but I must learn first, but my time is to short. If you want to help me - not too much (actually I need for 300 $ for taxes), please email as soon as possible. In my country - Romania - the costs are expensive and the total money you can win on a mounth is too small. So, PLEASE JUST HELP ME... Thank you very much, Julio Costea <cjromeosky@yahoo.com> Dear Julio, Thanks for your heartwarming Easter message. At this blessed time of year, it's important to remember those less fortunate than us. We have made your message public and are encouraging our readers to help you in your time of need in Romania. Hang in there! Sucksters Hit & Run Who would the Sucksters be if they didn't do a little sucking once in awhile? My goodness, as I read yesterday's Hit and Run I started to be filled with anticipation. What could this young filmmaker have said that was so enormously, ridiculously dumb? Then reading what he said, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of "so what?" Come on guys! Was this guy worth attacking that much, just for some misguided idea about making movies in a repressive society versus an open, free, yet money-driven (and at times elitist) society such as ours? I agree that Payne is delusional to think that in some dictatorship or communist society he would have grown into a brilliant filmmaker, or whatever. But come on, this is American film society. Directors,actors, even producers - both on the Hollywood "inside" and those like Payne who no doubt consider themselves on the "outside" - are largely delusional about everything. In his romantic mind, I'm sure Payne could see himself in an Eastern bloc, 1970s or '80s-era country with one of his works being smuggled into the free West - and making a huge splash in the film world. Outrageous? Sure. That's the way artists are. So, did you hate "Election" (a good film, in my opinion) so much that you saw fit to single Payne out for a Hit & Run rant? And do you feel better now? Best Regards, Scotty <austinmet@yahoo.com> No, we feel really guilty about the whole thing. Poor Payne must be really broken up about the way we attacked him. Too bad we can't just throw him in the gulag — that's the civilized way to criticize. Sucksters Apples and Onions Subject: Why Compare to the Onion? I'm sorry, I don't understand why people keep comparing Suck.com to The Onion. The Onion started as a paper publication filled with event info, and the humor is parody. From my exposure to Suck.com (every day), I see no comparisons. Suck.com features essays — both large and small, cynical cartoons (which I love), interviews, and the occasional parody of "pitches" or other such things. It's not nearly the comparison that New York's tired Rotten Apple is. You can love both Suck and the Onion equally, and for different reasons, as I do. Besides, the Onion is only new once a week, and Suck doesn't offer me Dan Savage. Why would I choose? Another point, re: your 4/13 Hit & Run: If you watched the DVD of Election and listened to Alexander Payne's commentary, you wouldn't be surprised at anything stupid he might say. The man is a fine director, but sucks at speaking. Thanks for disregarding my e-mail message. I'll follow up w/a phone call later! :) Alexia Henke <alexia_henke@exchangeny.deutschinc.com> We encourage everyone to enjoy Suck every day, for all the many reasons you have enumerated. We have nothing but the highest regard for our colleagues in online publishing. Sucksters Naive as ever, I thought all the unhappy kidz loved your ass once they got a peek. All I did was send you a faintly fawning little note, and this Dave pops his spleen in my face like a hot beer. I see the flames you publish, of course, but I had no idea the unmedicated were fixating on you with this kind of heroic abandon. Anyway, here's a sample of the tides you raise out here in beef country. Do you think I'm safe? Dibs on the Fish sofa, Randy Ratliff <rratliff@acgtech.com> Oh, check his e-mail address. That was the hoot of hoots for me. ---Original Message --- From: Randy Ratliff [mailto:rratliff@acgtech.com] Sent: Thursday, April 13, 2000 4:33 PM To: 'David Matteson' Subject: RE: soul stirring belly-laugh!? Dear Dave, I'm sure things will get better for you someday soon. Of course I don't want to speculate about a perfect stranger (how foolish would that be?), but I wonder if bitterness such as you express doesn't perpetuate itself. After all, if you put half the effort into showing some kindness to someone nearby, the immediate rewards might encourage you to do more of the same, rather than attacking casual phrases in letters written by people you don't know to people you don't know. Or, as my Uncle Larry puts it, "if you piss on a fire, you deserve to stink." Anyway, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that includes a little kindness pointed your way. I promise you that, right now, someone wants to be nice to you. When they work up the nerve, I hope you let them. Randy --- Original Message-- From: David Matteson [mailto:matteson@ isr.umich.edu] Sent: Thursday, April 13, 2000 3:21PM To: 'rratliff@ acgtech.com' Subject: soul stirring belly-laugh!? sir, i've known about suck for a long time, i check it once in a while, but mostly i ignore it because it is drivel. i've been checking the letters lately to see if they'll bother to publish the flame i sent them regarding their recent, completely inane tirade against interface-skins (i'm sure you know the one if you are an avid suck reader.) but i thought i would write and advise you to have yourself committed. what kind of reasonable person uses a phrase like 'soul stirring belly-laughs'? for that matter, what kind of genetic mutation is required to find suck funnier and wittier than the onion? i'm sorry but you are just dead wrong, suck is reminiscent of the childish e-zine i ran years ago when the net was first beginning to blossom. i was thirteen, the 'sucksters' are supposedly adults. unfortunately, they are far less informed and rational than most children. hoping you find a nice padded room, ...dave p.s. don't bother to bitch me out about being an asshole or sending unwanted negative comments your way, if you don't want this kind of thing, you should've asked them not to list your e-mail address. the fact that it was there tells me you welcome comments, if that's not the case, simply delete this and forget about it. on the other hand, you could always write back and explain exactly what demented thought process leads you to believing suck is the best 'humour' site on the web. Randy, Thanks again for your continuing support. Sucksters Speaking Out About Things That Suck I read suck and I liked it very much . As It is there a many things that suck and it is good when they get there noticed as to be able to say " Yes thats something that really sucks" Mary J Salvato <msal376964@juno.com> Thanks, Mary. We believe that Americans are too willing to put up with things they don't like. It's about time for people to stop being so shy about complaining! If you think it sucks, tell a friend! If not, tell the management! Sucksters Speaking Out For Suck.com I'm living with a Chinese family as an American foreign exchange student right now, and periodically I get on the Internet to check a few of my favorite sites. Suck.com is on my list, and I can't go without looking at it every week or so. Anyways... The other day, my host found thesuck.net in the global history. When I got home, after a while he worked up the courage to ask me if I was "looking at sexy sites on his computer". I said no, no, no, I wouldn't do that (and especially not here!), but he argued he found a "sexy site address" in the URL history bar and was adamant I was crusing for sex pix on his poor little computer. I thought about it long and hard (OH! thesuck.net!), pulled up thesuck.net in front of him on the computer (he freaked out), then finally it loaded and he said "never mind." Kevin Marshall <laconian2@yahoo.com> Your host must have had a pretty good grasp of colloquial English if he recognized "Suck" as a "sexy site address." You should have told him it was a site about vacuum cleaners. But what about the part of the story where your pants accidentally fell down? Didn't that lead to even merrier misunderstandings? Sexily, Sucksters Hit & Run Hmmm. I was mildly annoyed to see that today's Suck adopted the Wonder Bread American analysis of political systems. Let's see if I have this straight: 1) evil Communism bad. 2) Anyone stating that there was ever anything good about socialist regimes is a fucking moron. Guys who like their Budweiser ice cold and their Lynyrd Skynyrd nice and loud don't have to be told twice that all socialist regimes were/are really just collections of closely spaced concentration camps that make 1984 look like Club Med. In the first place, socialism is primarily an economic system, not a political system.Socialism, like capitalism, can be democratic or totalitarian. You really don't hear even corn-fed Reaganites complain much about the evils of 70s Sweden. Totalitarianism can have an economic system based on state socialism, as in the former USSR, or it can be based on capitalism, as in Nazi Germany. Is China currently repressive because of its weirdo mix of capitalism and mercantilism or because it is a rigid, authoritarian state? Secondly, I spent some time in Berlin during the olden days, and even in East Germany, a regime that most would agree was repressive, I found that it was pretty easy to get away with minor infractions. I met an East German woman who had been living with her lover in East Berlin for two years. Her lover was an illegal immigrant and was living and working East Berlin and having a pretty good time, all under the nose of the Stasi. I also saw some great art in East Berlin. You can still see vestiges in the Rosa Luxemburg U Bahnhof, one of the few East Berlin U Bahn stations that hasn't been liberated by cigarette ads. I also found that many of the East Berliners I met were often more free thinking than people you may run across in the land of the free. In the ten years since the Wall fell, I've watched my East German friends attitudes evolve. The first two or three years were characterized by shock and depression, followed by grim acceptance. Now, after ten years, they are still adjusting, but after ten years, seem to have turned the corner. You have to remember that many East Germans didn't regard themselves as liberated so much as annexed by West Germany. I had always felt that East Germany should have stayed separate, and found its own path. Instead, the good of East German society was thrown out with the bad. One nice thing I saw in the DDR was that people seemed more free to pursue careers that they loved for the work involved, without being so driven towards work that they merely tolerated in order to get a fat paycheck. Also, personal relationships were deeper and more meaningful in the DDR. People had time to invest in friends and family. This is something I hear over and over from former East Germans that they miss, perhaps more than anything else. The thing I personally miss the most is the liberating feeling of being in an urban environment and being enveloped by the complete absence of advertising. It was like being in a heavy snowfall that absorbs all sound except the crunch of your shoes and your own thoughts. Norman Read www.Longino.com <norman@longino.com> Wow, Norman, didn't any of your East German friends ever tell you "Your talk has become tiresome! It is time to dance!" We applaud your courage in daring to make fun of the Budweiser/Skynyrd demographic — that sacred cow of American culture that practically nobody ever dares to mock. But don't blame us for pointing out that Payne's desire to live in an "oppressive" (his word, not ours) system is idiotic. And we're printing all the other stuff in your letter on the assumption that our readers may occasionally have trouble getting to sleep. Keep on rockin' in the free world! Sucksters Hey, a bit light on the material today, don't you think? keithf <kfoskin@uswest.net>, No, it was neither too hard nor too soft, but "just right." Materially light, Sucksters Subject: I'm confused... Dear Sucksters, I remember when I first started reading Suck (about 2 1/2 years ago), I didn't get half of what you were referring to. Nowadays it seems like I understand almost everything in the essays. Am I getting smarter or are you getting stupider? Peter Beardsley <pbeardsley@appropriatesolutions.com> There can be no doubt that all our knowledge begins with experience. For how should our faculty of knowledge be awakened into action did not objects affecting our senses partly of themselves produce representations, partly arouse the activity of our understanding to compare these representations, and, by combining or separating them, work up the raw material of the sensible impressions into that knowledge of objects which is entitled experience? In the order of time, therefore, we have no knowledge antecedent to experience, and with experience all our knowledge begins. But though all our knowledge begins with experience, it does not follow that it all arises out of experience. Experience is, beyond all doubt, the first product to which our understanding gives rise, in working up the raw material of sensible impressions. Experience is therefore our first instruction, and in its progress is so inexhaustible in new information, that in the interconnected lives of all future generations there will never be any lack of new knowledge that can be thus ingathered. Nevertheless, it is by no means the sole field to which our understanding is confined. For it may well be that even our empirical knowledge is made up of what we receive through impressions and of what our own faculty of knowledge (sensible impressions serving merely as the occasion) supplies from itself. If our faculty of knowledge makes any such addition, it may be that we are not in a position to distinguish it from the raw material, until with long practice of attention we have become skilled in separating it. This, then, is a question which at least calls for closer examination, and does not allow of any casual answer, whether there is any knowledge that is thus independent of experience and even of all impressions of the senses. Such knowledge is entitled a priori, and distinguished from the empirical, which has its sources a posteriori that is, in experience. Experience tells us, indeed, what is, but not that it must necessarily be so, and not otherwise. It therefore gives us no true universality; and reason, which is so insistent upon this kind of knowledge, is therefore more stimulated by it than satisfied. Such universal modes of knowledge, which at the same time possess the character of inner necessity, must in themselves, independently of experience, be clear and certain. They are therefore entitled knowledge a priori; whereas, on the other hand, that which is borrowed solely from experience is, as we say, known only a posteriori, or empirically. Now we find, what is especially noteworthy, that even into our experiences there enter modes of knowledge which must have their origin a priori, and which perhaps serve only to give coherence to our sense-representations. For if we eliminate from our experiences everything which belongs to the senses, there still remain certain original concepts and certain judgments derived from them, which must have arisen completely a priori, independently of experience, inasmuch as they enable us to say, or at least lead us to believe that we can say, in regard to the objects which appear to the senses, more than mere experience would teach — giving to assertions true universality and strict necessity, such as mere empirical knowledge cannot supply. Sucksters Hit and Run, Congratulations on your brave pro-Capitalist stance! You guys are true heroes, protecting the American way from that nasty old Red Menace! Perhaps instead of criticising Alexander Payne for his rhetorical flourishes (certainly justifiable in these days of Right-wing consensus government) you should criticise his glaring inability to see himself for the trees. Obviously American culture is oppressive and ugly, but, just like its Stalinist counterpart, those that do get their voices out sing well and true (like Payne and those other guys with their movies and whatnot that we all like). The only difference is that here artists are bought-off with sitcom writing jobs instead of garroted. [And why shouldn't artists, tempermental extremists that they are, occasionally remind us that both processes are bad for art, which is longa, vita brevis, etc.] I wish you the worst, which includes "anal leakage." Your man in Panama who hates you, Paschel L. Barkin <paschelbarkin@email.com> ps- What kind of troglodyte thinks suck is better than the Onion? Oh, right, the same myopic mental defective who doesn't see the Onion's moral center. Get a life, clown! All this for a tee-shirt? Or is it just approval you want? Your kind makes me sick. The great thing about being garroted is that you get this whopping hard-on while you're dying. Whereas, with sitcom writing, no such luck. Sitcoms haven't been good for a boner since Sabrina stopped doing those magical outfit changes at the beginning of every show. So you're right about that. Hell, you're even right about the Onion's moral center. We don't read it for the jokes; we read it for the way it instructs us on ethics and teaches our hearts to grow wise. Now can you help us with this anal leakage? Sucksters Payne's comments in the Nation roundtable didn't seem dumb to me. Of course, there are other perspectives, as you recognize by quoting Roth. Oppressive regimes have stimulated the production of a lot of great art; a lot has been stifled under capitalism. I think one can recognize that perspective without being called dumb. Joe Alvarado <jalvar@ci.mil.wi.us> Jesus Christ, who knew there were so many people with a burning desire to spend their lives in terror of midnight visits from jackbooted secret police? Knock yourselves out. Pack your bags. There are still plenty of totalitarian states left in the world. They'd be happy to oppress you to your heart's content. Yours in liberty, Sucksters |
|
||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||
   |
||||||||||||||||
 |  |
|||||||||||||||
 |   | |||||||||||||||
![[Tim Cavanaugh]](/fish/staff/images/tim.gif)
![[Copy Edit]](/fish/contributors/images/gies.gif){kind=small}
![[Phillip Bailey]](/fish/staff/images/phil.gif){kind=small}
![[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]](/fish/staff/images/erin.gif){kind=small}
![[Brian
Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]](/fish/staff/images/brian.gif)
![[the fixin'
pixie... ]](/fish/staff/images/emily.gif)
![[Ian
Connelly]](/fish/staff/images/ian.gif){kind=small}