for 26 April 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Filler Ms. Fashion Victim: "Talks about shopping like it's a challenge akin to climbing Mount Everest, featuring desperate, terrifying setbacks and exhilarating victories. " Okay, that's me. Ms. Drama Queen: "..may seem like unpredictable mood swings but which are actually totally understandable reactions to a tumultuous and often quite hostile world" Yiiii (that's recognition mingled with amused disgust) That is sooo me. But forget about just Women To Avoid. What's amazing is that I can relate to your characters *so* much even though I'm from a totally different culture half way around the world. You never cease to entertain. Thanks for hitting all the issues right on the head and with such wit, I laugh out loud. Which is quite a feat, believe me, plus, I read Suck at work. Actually, I only like Filler, the rest is too winded and slightly preachy. I looked around my "circle of friends" and I can come up with about 5 more Women To Avoid, & in my case they'll be Arab Women to Avoid, although the reasons to avoid them aren't because of their "Arabness"; I am not a sell-out. I don't want to bore you so I won't describe 'em here, but email back anytime if you need ideas from my neck of the woods. A reader in Saudi Arabia Hiba Dialdin <dialdiha@aramco.com.sa&> Wow, thanks for writing! But are you telling me Saudi Arabian women are as delightful as American women? Yiiii! Winded, Polly  Subject: Okay, so you're cynical but I love ya anyway! I gotta ask: on the day before my birthday, that is March 29, your column had a "next page" button beside the heading "Bad head makes the morning fabulous". Soon as I saw it, I thought of Janie Runaway on the new Steely Dan album. Is this a correct connection? If so, you have great taste in music as well as in other things... Chuck Dupree Palo Alto, CA Shouldn't you have signed that "How about a kiss for your Cousin Dupree"? Which fine Colombian do you think Mr. Dan was talking about? Pablo Escobar wasn't fine, that's for sure. Polly You guys have probably been flooded with this tip already since you ran tha asian mahir thing, ya? no? anyway: The only worthwhile so-called homepage I have run across. Rumor in NYC is that it's a frustrated tonight show writer's little hoax. Old dude. Amatuer magician and philosopher of sorts. Hilarious. Think warner brothers buying it is a joke/hoax. Christ, at least I hope so. excerpt: "Yesterday'S SAying:"WHenever I get tired and lonely AND life seems TOO HARD, I look AT tHE BEAUTY OF a simple flower. AND THEn I pull the flower out of the Ground and realize that I AM more powerful than the FLOWER, and to itt I seem like I'm fifty million damn feet tall! Now I DOn;t feel so tired! Now I feel like a damn GODZILLA!" Dan When I want to feel powerful, I play ant hospital. Injure some ants, put them in separate rooms of a little ant hospital, create ant emergencies. Nah, that's gross. But I did that when I was little. Only severely mentally damaged children would dream up a game like that. As for the website, who knows? If acting like an evil imbecile online gives you a thrill, well...then we have a lot in common. Polly She Will Always Love Us Courtney Love's 'Celebrity Skin' better than anything Kurt wrote? Please. This no talent, wanna-be scenester titty dancer should never seen the spotlight. All she knows how to do is glom onto others more talented than her, and schmooze and fuck her way up another rung on the ladder. Hey Kurt, you missed! Eric Lange Thanks for providing more grist for the mill of rabid Courtney-hate. And hey, some of my best friends are titty-dancers. Sincerely, Eugen I knew you were trying to make a point somewhere in this article, but I kept getting lost in the jungle of pop culture references. I tried snipping away all the superfluous, hipster, Andro-induced bulk and was left with, "We all have our own horror stories of being poked, prodded, delayed, and damaged And that's something we too often forget." Absolutely brilliant in it's Zen-like simplicity. You are a writer with a rare empathy for those struggling with survival in today's hyper-critical world. Thank you. Kevbones <andersonk@ChurchHealthCenter.org> And that was your first mistake. We all have our own horror stories of being poked, prodded, delayed, and damaged And that's something we too often forget. That's the speedreading version, yes. While that got you where you were going fast, I grant, you missed my touching shout-out to Shirley Hemphill. And I think the loss is yours, sir. Sincerely, Eugen Excuse me- I really liked your piece about black women getting short shrift by our society, but I have a rather troubling question: Did "Jew" become a slur some time when I wasn't looking? I've always referred to myself as a Jew, but never with the slightly sardonic attitude that other minorities would use when self-applying epithets; I thought that's what we are called. I've never understood goyim who say things like "Well, you're a Jewish person," or "How do Jewish people feel about..." I dunno, the extra syllable seems kind of stilted to me. But if the word really is a bad thing, I'm way behind the power curve, and should stop offending others of my ilk. Please let me know if this is the case, and when the evolution occured. Thanks, Ben Malisow <bmalisow@snap.org> Somewhere along the line, that simple factual statement began being considered rude. Or more precisely, the pointing out (when not definitely relevant) of someone's being a Jew, or Jewish, or whichever you prefer, was thought of as rude bordering on cranky, with a suspicious whiff of anti-Semitism. As someone with a Jewish mother, I have never found the term problematic myself. Best, Eugen If your aim in writing today's feature on Whitney Houston was to be simultaneously insulting as well as ridiculous, you've succeeded. It is insulting, to both women and black people everywhere, to insinuate that Whitney is being treated the way that she is only because she's a black female. That is what one can very realistically be labeled as horseshit, particularly given the number of white males who've gone through the same media ringer (Robert Downey, Jr., for instance). The fact of the matter is — and I can assure you that my sources on this are wholly accurate — that Whitney has had a problem drugs. You want to hear about how she [libelous details about hotel room stay omitted by Suck editors]? Or about all of the [libelous details about botched performances omitted by Suck editors]? Or about all the [more libelous details about hotel rooms and drug use omitted by Suck editors]? (oh, did I forget to mention Bobby's [libelous details about drug use omitted by Suck editors]?) Point being: if you're going to insinuate media causality, you need to at least have the full story before doing so. Clearly you didn't with Whitney and were basing your assumptions, ironically enough, solely on your opinion of what you read in the media. Jeff Kirk <jk@austin.rr.com> Do you have to ask those questions? Of course I do! Bring it on, mystery-man- with-connections- in-the- hospitality- industry that this reporter can't manage. And yes, insulting and ridiculous were effects I was going after at various points in that piece. Best, Eugen It was a great piece for most of the way, and I agree with the main premise, and it made me laugh, so one gross error is excusable. I had to bring it up, though: you can claim that Courtney Love made a better album than Kurt ever managed (although most people would laugh like crazy at that statement) since that's a matter of pure opinion. However, please don't tell us that the "lunatic shrew" label doesn't fit the scheming rocker/actress/whatever. Her most recent call for attention, if you don't remember, was a pathetic attack on Dave Grohl claiming Kurt hated Dave and liked her best and she wouldn't share her fingerpaints at recess anymore. I don't think I really need to explain why this qualifies her, do I? Thanks for the good stuff, Eric <eric99@hawaii.rr.com> Courtney was merely joining into Grohl's already-launched public attacks on her, since Courtney-bashing is an always-in-season American sport. I still stand by her, blindly. For what it's worth, nearly everyone who has written today has done so to straighten me out on the Courtney Question. I remain steadfast. Best, Eugen great work, even considering Suck's consistently high standards. quite relentless. just one problem: how could a smart person think Celebrity Skin is better in any way than even the weakest Nirvana song? and you had so much momentum going... still, the rest of it tore right along, went on some fun tangents too. cheers John Mayer <jmayer@mail.findlaw.com.criticalpath.net> Thank you for your kind words. Everyone is ripping me on the Courtney stuff, but I stand by my sources. Best, Eugen Hmm, I was really enjoying your column about how unfair the world is...that is, until I read that fashion model Courtney Love has recently made a better album than her husband ever did! Astonishing! I'm really going to have to reevaluate my opinion of her, in much the same manner as the Violent Femmes. "Kurt's wife Courtney Love accompanied him on the tour. The Femmes thought she was a skanky, pasty-faced, pockmarked, drug-addled, no talent slut and bimbo. But they must have been wrong, because now she is a ROLE MODEL FOR AMERICAN FEMININITY!!!!!!!!" It's like, now, I can't even listen to In Utero without thinking, what if some cool famous producer paid a poor schmuck pennies to use Pro Tools to edit out all the off-pitch singing and amp noise, and just make loops of all the choruses. It would have been such a better album, because it would have been slicker and more commercially accessible. Then they could bring in an army of songwriters to really make stuff you can hoist your beer and shout to when you're kicking it with your buds at Chili's. This is the tactic that made Madonna such a musical powerhouse. Because, I mean, let's face it, "selling out" really isn't selling out anymore, and if you embrace your stardom and wealth and learn to live well and sing songs about it all, you're really not considered an irrelevant asshole like you used to be in the days of Puff Daddy, so we old punk-rockers should just get over our personal ideals and join the rest of America. I really want to thank you. Because of your opinion, I am growing as a person, and I didn't even need Dianetics. Yours in Christ, The Pie Guy Suggesting you commit hara-kiri for your crimes against wit, irony, and musical taste would be too obvious a joke, so I'm frankly at a loss for words. Courtney does bring out bad reactions in the fanboys, doesn't she? It staggers the mind. Pro-tools or Albini's spartan "no compression-no surrender" aesthetic aside, Celeb Skin is a better album than In Utero....and I get greater and greater pleasure the more often I have to repeat this ex cathedra pronouncement.... Sternly, Eugen |
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