for 20 July 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY. |
![[Tim Cavanaugh]](/fish/staff/images/tim.gif)
Tim Cavanaugh Special Guest Editor 
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Hit & Run
While reading your piece on Tim Noah and the Declaration of Independence spam, I was sure I'd see this link somewhere: http://www.snopes.com/spoons/glurge/ Then again, not everyone is a fan of snopes.com. Just thought I'd pass it along. Also, thanks for addressing what would be the only possible outcome for FM2030's thawed body. Unless science finds a way to pull a Lazarus, that pancreas will remain stupid, dumb and wretched. Alexia Henke <alexia_henke@ exchangeny.deutschinc.com> Thanks for your continuing support, Alexia. I have no feelings one way or another about snopes.com, but I'm not sure the Declaration Signers spam qualifies as an "urban legend." It's more in the way of a heedless nationalist exaggeration. For example, the spam says that some signer was tortured to death. New Jersey signer Richard Stockton's health deteriorated while he was in prison; he never recovered, remaining an invalid until his death a few years later. It's reasonable to speculate that his imprisonment was at the very least not salutary. It may be a fib to say that he was tortured to death, but that's all it is — not an urban legend on the order of the peritoneal Barbie heads, the sphinctral gerbil, the infested beehive wig, or the microwaved prom date. Wishing you the very best, tim 
It seems obvious from reading Noah's columns that he was referring to five signers being captured and tortured before they died as erroneous, not disputing the fact that five signers were captured during the war. That's clear in the July 6 column; you're basing your argument on the phrase "the 'five were captured' factoid" from the next column, which could be interpreted either way and definitely should be taken in context to the previous article. I'm not defending Tim Noah; I don't even know who he is. I'm just amazed that you'd use an obvious editorial slip to attack someone you clearly don't like, considering the bungled apostrophe's later in the column and the fact that Polly spelled "clichˇ" with an "a" yesterday. Not to mention complaining about tediousness when it takes an hour to plow through your overzealous hyperlinks. Keep up the good work Charlie Perdue <cperdue@boone.net> Whatever was obvious to you, exact words are as important at Suck as they are on The Brady Bunch. In his July 7 column, Capt. Noah wrote: As Chatterbox observed earlier, the "nine died of wounds" and "five were captured" factoids aren't correct. Anybody who goes around playing media schoolmarm has no room to be making obvious editorial slips. I am in no position to like or dislike Noah, as I do not know anything about him other than what I've read in his Chowderhead column. I will say that the tone of his column strikes me as that of a supercilious bean counter lacking the civility or social grace to acknowledge that this Boston Globe blowhard didn't deserve to be fired for writing a lazy Fourth of July column. yr pal, tim
Although oddly enough I think Arnold may have starred in a movie vaguely based upon it, long ago there was a science fiction short story that predicted all this stuff. It created a show called---as I recall, since this was very long ago when men were men and sheep were nervous---The Price of Peril. In it, people volunteered to be placed in dangerous locations; for example, you might wake to find yourself alone in an airplane and have to land it; or trapped underwater; or having to fight a bull. If you survived, you qualified for the most dangerous trick yet: you were hunted by two genuine Mafia hit men and had to survive for some amount of time to win. The hidden irony (not very deeply hidden, to be sure) was that the typical contestant was so lame at hiding that the producers kept having to help him survive. Friendly citizens appeared at the last second to keep him alive...said citizens being paid network employees. On the other hand, he was supposed to be able to rely on the viewing public to help him, since they were supposed to be rooting for him. In fact, of course, the great viewing public were really rooting for the hit men and kept giving away the victim's position. It was a fine, nasty story and more and more true every day. Since I think it dates from the late '50s, you may conclude---and not be the first to conclude this---that there is nothing new under the sun. Alan S Kornheiser <ASKornheiser@prodigy.net> The Doctor Is IN "Insulter of national and personal dignity." Well that's pretty goddamn good, Alan, and I must insist that you cough up the name of the story, or at least the author. The closest I ever got to that sublimity was a story where capital crimes are decided by 900-number voting, and Doctor J and Kevin McHale are the dueling attorneys. Not too close! yr pal, tim
Filler
Subject: Laments from the
You have a cool job. I do not
So, what I'm really up to here in
If someone, such as myself,
Sincerely, Michael Shaw You can't start from what you
For example, I want a cold
Now I narrow down from that
So I return to my own work
You seem to want phone sex.
Your Career Counselor Sans
Polly
I don't mind the Dan Vaden
Our stuff is orginial, for
thanks The M.C.
Trust me, I didn't read your
I don't think of your
Best wishes, Polly
Polly, I wish you wrote for sitcoms.
Anjum Akhtar Shit howdy, man. You really
Yes, I'm fucking joking. Polly
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