for 3 November 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

Terry Colon
Art Director

Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Joey Anuff
Publisher

"A big block of bitch cheese." That's pretty goddamned funny. I'm sitting at my desk chuckling like an idiot every time I read it. I would have snorted milk out of my nose if I hadn't been drinking water. Keep up the good work.

JWH
<jhardin@sbc-adv.com>

You mean every time you're not drinking water, you snort milk out of your nose? Sounds messy. But thanks for the kind note...

St. Huck

"People who destroy human life in this precise manner are not alone, and not disorganized, and very much not finished."

Thank you for your brave words. I look around me at all the heads in the sand, all the infants whimpering for their daily pabulum, and disappointment threatens to unhinge me.

I've been reading Suck for years. This marks the first time I've been moved to write in a compliment. I'll be watching you more closely henceforth.

Best regards from Redmond, WA.

Matthew Haugh
<a-mhaugh@microsoft.com>

Those infants whimpering for their daily pablum? I used to date a couple of 'em, back in the day. It was kind of fun, to tell the truth. Anyway, they never read my stuff, so...

Thanks,

Ambrose

Mr Beers:

You're a very special young man.

Sincerely,

E. Kennedy
<prettyasskicker@hotmail.com>

You know, I've heard those words before. You're not a probation officer, by any chance, are you?

Ambrose

Excellent essay. I am going to get a copy of "Men Against Fire" today.

Erik Pritchard
<Epritchard@rdblaw.com>

Yep, not a bad idea. Two things, quickly, on that topic:

1.) The first few chapters? Establishing a premise. Which is something like "in war, people shoot guns and stuff." S-L-O-W. So if you find yourself feeling bored by the thing, don't start with that "that guy from Suck is an idiot" thing that I get so often. Just, you know, skip ahead a few pages. It starts really getting interesting around chapters ten ("Why Men Fight") and eleven ("The Aggressive Will.") (Chapter twelve, "Ten Easy Steps to Slim Your Waistline," is less valuable. Military historians generally pretend not to notice that chapter.)

2.) You might also find On Killing, by Dave Grossman, a really excellent book on the same topic. Picks up where Marshall left off, adds some detail, offers additional proof of the same ideas. And is, besides, a great title to ask the clerk for at Barnes and Noble. They get all sketchy and distant on you, pretty much instantly. It's cool.

Ambrose

Glad to see you're still among the living, though I have to admit that, in the absence of any cause worth fighting for, your tenure in the U.S. Army still somewhat puzzles me. That this was, indirectly, the topic of your missive makes the puzzle even larger: the U.S. very frequently finds itself in the position of an uber-bully without being smart enough to know it, which puts you in the position of abetting the very circumstances engendering the problem. Are we interested in peace in the middle east? Then why do we so heavily subsidize the Israelis? Is Iraq fighting its neighbors without our permission? Hmm, weren't we sending them big fat cashier's checks back in the '70s?

Himalayan ironies mount: the U.S. was founded because George III, and the ministers who governed in his name, wanted absolute control over everything that went on in the colonies. The hubris of our current leaders is even worse: they imagine they can recast the rest of the world in their image, with political philosophy reduced to FDR's comment about Trujillo: that is, they like oppressive foreign governments that can be bought ("he may be a son of a bitch, but he's our son of a bitch."). People laugh at Patrick Buchanan, and in the main, rightfully so — he is a crackpot, frequently. But the sneakiness and venality Americans tolerate at home and encourage abroad is sufficient cause to cut loose the empire.

Rob McMillin
<rlm@pricegrabber.com>

Trust me: My tenure in the U.S. Army puzzles the U.S. Army, too. Me, I'm not puzzled: I'm just angry. But there are, apparently, laws against just going home. The dirty bastards.

Okay, here's one: I eat in the same DFAC (Dining FACility, pronounced dee-fak) as the students at the School of the Americas. So I'm sitting there, morning after morning, reading the newspaper over breakfast, and reading about Vladimiro Montesinos fleeing Peru, and soldiers taking hostages, and the U.S. sending messages to the military to please not stage a coup, and so on. And at the tables to my left and right, shoveling down Krispy Kreme donuts, are uniformed Peruvian military officers, here to receive training in the organized application of violent force. Yeah! Go team!

On a positive note, considering the shit we're feeding them, they may all drop dead before they get a chance to go home and screw things up any worse.

And the caissons go rolling along,

Ambrose