for 10 January 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

Terry Colon
Art Director

Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Joey Anuff
Publisher

When did you work at Gorin's? Are we talking about the same little ice cream chain in Atlanta? My family used to go to the one in Buckhead about twice a week. I still remember filling out those contest cards to pick the store's new name when that bastard "other Steve" from Boston sued the hell out of them.

BWT, I'm a Libra and I'm pretty pissed about my horoscope for this year. What really bites is that this sounds exactly like the way 2000 went. And if I have another fucking repeat of last year's descent-into-soap-opera-madness I may have to forsake all my material possessions, move to India, and become an ascetic monk. Monk food is kind of lame, and the damn Hindus won't let you eat the occasional hamburger, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about chicks or the stock market.

On the other hand, maybe I could smuggle myself into Tibet and hang out with the Tantrics. Enlightenment through unyielding, overwhelming indulgence sounds like my kind of religion. Then again, the Dalai Lama is SO 1994.

Marshall Yount
<myount@broadcast.com>

I worked at Gorin's in Durham, NC in 1986. It was my first job. I fattened up and met my first boyfriend, Ian. He dumped me for this blonde named Tanya shortly thereafter. I was heartbroken. I mean, we both really liked RUSH, it was so obvious we were meant to be together.

Anyway. I can't think of anything wiser than forsaking your material possessions and moving to India. At least read The Book by Alan Watts. Sure, he killed himself, what did he know, blah blah blah. It's a good book. Buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, some Minute Maid lemonade, the new PJ Harvey album, and come home from work every night and run 2 miles, then read and eat ice cream. But not tonight — tonight you have to skip the run so you have time to tune into "Temptation Island" — you know, Survivor meets Baywatch. Is this a great time or what?

Indulgently,

Polly

I just have to tell you that I think you are best. I've been reading your stuff every day now for the past 3 years and you've never let me down. Thanks for brightening the day.

Neil Cashman
<Neilc@vom.com>

I've never let you down? I don't buy that for a second. Surely there were some slow Wednesdays in the summer of 1997. I distinctly recall a Filler where Wink Martindale, a martian, and a hipster engage in banter on par with your typical episode of "Full House."

Thanks for lying through your teeth, nonetheless. I love to see people lie for my sake. I find it extremely comforting. Even more comforting than when people pick fights for my sake, or lose sleep over me.

Your magical princess,

Polly

Just a shot in the dark here, but could you tell me where SUCK is stationed at, and how to get hired? College is over, child is growing, and my sanity is melting away in this household. Any direction you could point me in would be grateful, or you could just post me in filler sometime this year and I would be just as grateful. Surely you could at least spare some change?

Love and kisses,

Stefan Walz - Full time D.A.D.
<haley002@earthlink.net>

Suck is stationed at the center of the universe. Getting hired by Suck is well-nigh impossible, since they've done more firing than hiring for 5 years running. There are only a handful of us left, and we're not about to let go of our exalted positions just because you need cash for Pampers.

Does anyone out there have a job for this nice young Daddy?

Proud to do my patriotic chore,

Polly

I live for Wednesdays.

I recently moved to NY from SF and I thought I'd share some thoughts with you.

They don't have those yummy roast beef deli sandwiches w/the horseradish here like they do there, goddamnit.

Also, the weed out here sucks and it's really, really expensive. Not to mention that it's like, a REALLY big deal if you get high at any point of your day, let alone before a meeting (it goes without saying that there is no agency bong for use). Maybe, just maybe, someone will break out a pipe at some party and think they're really cutting loose and everyone around them will giggle conspiratorially and when the pipe finally gets to you it's the fucking dust of some seed-ridden Puerto Rican tumble weed. The funny thing is, everyone is so uptight that I think they could seriously benefit from consistent marijuana use.

Then there's the weather.

But, not all is bad. For example, the cabs are cheaper!

I love you.

Matt

I love you too, Matt, although I prefer not to touch you.

At least in New York you won't end up fucking your best friend's boyfriend by accident because there are only about 5 straight men with brains in their heads and meat on their bones in the whole fucking town. Speaking of which, my ex-boyfriend Jake's movie, Haiku Tunnel, is playing at Sundance, so look for it in a movie theater near you, God and distributors willing.

Anyway: San Francisco. Enough already. I fucking hate the weather in SF — no extremes, just endless days of being chilled to the bone with no reprieve in sight. Sure, there are tons of interesting women and great restaurants. The coffee is very strong. Sometimes when the fog rolls in it's sort of romantic. But what good does that do us? I said I wasn't going to touch you. Besides, who needs strong pot in NYC? What do you want to do, get hit by a cab? Go over to Jimmy's Corner on 42nd between 6th and Broadway (I think) and have a few beers and you'll forget about stupid slouchy nights sucking up bong hits in the Mission with your juvenile friends in no time.

Cheaper in NYC,

Polly

Good column, as always. I work for a large ISP, and a lot of what you said resonates with me. When I started here two years ago, I thought that I was getting into the sweetest gig ever. This was my first "New Economy" job -- I had never worked for a company whose primary focus didn't seem to be making huge profits. When this ISP opened up a call center in my home town, a lot of semi-skilled workers thought that this alone would deliver us from a lifetime of food service jobs.

Two years, and one merger later, I've seen a lot of "Old Economy" style re-orgs, which has flattened the structure of the company. It's now harder than ever to get a promotion, and annual raises are rarely higher than 2%. Many of my co-workers feel like they are trapped in a situation where they aren't making any progress in their careers. They resent being left to stagnate within the company.

Consequently, many of us (at least in Tech Support) are grumpy. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if our customers looked at us as being at least has helpful as PacBell when it comes to getting any assistance. When you are the equivalent of the McDonald's counter worker of the internet economy, it can be difficult to muster any enthusiasm for your work. And if the economy goes south you'll see a lot of us down at the EDD collecting checks to support addiction to expensive coffee and cheap weed.

I'm not sure whether or not most people who work for utility companies are affected by economic downturns, but I think it's pretty safe to say that they are not floating on an economic "bubble" that's threatening to burst. At least they have a union.

Thanks for your time

--Brent Sullivan
<brents@flashmail.com>

Actually, the employees we contact during First World Communications' now-almost-weekly service outages are generally a pretty polite and sympathetic bunch — a strong indication that no union is involved — but they are unable to provide any information or actual help, and this happens often enough that it is pretty clear this stingy policy comes from above.

We did think it worth noting that a major ISP in the heart of the internet provides service worthy of the Peruvian postal service: These outages, if continued unchecked, will eventually have a deleterious effect on Suck itself. More generally, it makes you wonder how the government ever thought the internet was going to survive a nuclear attack by the Russians.

yr pal,

Magua

The problem with "deregulation" is that it was the form, not the fact, of regulation that was modified. "Deregulation" in this case appears to me to be one of

a) a well-intentioned idea badly implemented, as the majority of California legislators are not acquainted with how markets actually work. b) a sneaky attempt to get rich quick on the part of certain legislators (rumors abound that some of our solons have equity positions in the power generation companies, where there are no limits on price/kW). c) an attempt by state Democrats to discredit the label "deregulation". d) an attempt by Greens to force energy conservation by bollixing power generation and making it impossible to create new capacity.

My bet is on (a), personally. One thing I've discovered is that stupidity is more common than malice. The other reason (a) is most likely is that no legislator wants to be associated with price increases for ANYTHING. It strikes me that California's politicians wanted to ensure they came out looking good, so they passed a law saying that prices could only go one way -- down. Unfortunately, this was not what happened.

Rob McMillin
<rlm@pricegrabber.com>

You're probably on the right track, Robert. But the question remains. How can a service like electricity ever not fall into the hands of a monopoly? It's not control of the means of production that matters here (though the fact that PG&E offloaded actual generation is apparently the main reason raw prices are high). It's control of the means of delivery: Is Magua Power and Light really going to build all new pipes and wires to Walnut Creek and Hollister in order to compete with the big boys? This is not the way of Magua. Magua will put them all under the knife.

yr pal,

Magua

Hi there!