for 26 January 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

Terry Colon
Art Director

Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Joey Anuff
Publisher

I maintain that there are two nationalities that one can mock relentlessly without fear of repercussions: the Belgians and the Welsh. After all, what are they gonna do, capitulate and write a touching story about it? In the world of political correctness, it's good to know that you can insult a people without reproach. Canadians, on the other hand, can be insulted mercilessly, but you'll have to deal with a slew of emails afterward... simply not worth it. Belgians and the Welsh are where it's at.

Fuck chocolate and rarebit,

Mark Anderson
<markganderson@hotmail.com>

Well, as Suck's Hit & Run column "The Hate Trick" recently pointed out, there really are no repercussions for bigots anymore if you play your cards right. But we weren't really making fun of Belgians, Mark — we reserved our ire for one man, Gung Ho Dick Cheney — and for that the consequences could be dire indeed.

Bert

Wonder how many people went to 'Nam so Bill could stay home. Any info on that ??

Temple
<Temple1228@aol.com>

If I have people comparing Dick Cheney and Bill Clinton on ethical grounds I've made my point. When Dubya's spin is that he "gave the impression" of telling the truth about his drunk driving, and Cheney can rewrite his draft history before Congress, then the definition of "is" is still up grabs.

Bert

I've only recently acquired a DvD player, and am very willing to purchase a copy of your formidable tale of triumph and fortitude in the face of overwhelming privilege, perhaps two — provided the funding goes to the underdog Bush campaign. I, too, was unable to serve in Vietnam, being too young at the time.

But now that Cheney has taken the Vice-Helm of the Nation, he'll certainly give us the opportunity to go off and die in his stead. Remember, if we can just get ten more barrels of oil a day out of the Middle East (and possibly Alaska), we can increase Bush's stock by a thirtieth of a point over twenty years, ensuring a powerful Bush Dynasty for years to come.

Fight for the cause, brothers!

Zenmaster

For a less eloquent follow-up to "Saving Private Cheney" you should've tuned in to C-SPAN last Friday as the Vice-President elect gave an inaugural salute to America's vets.

The surviving members of "Cheney's Boys" — Jones and Mr. Tet, the talking tiger — were planning to protest, until Tet's love child was revealed in the tabloids ("Kitty Litters in Three States!"). And Jones, who long ago changed his name to Sgt. Mumia X, has lost faith in his former mentor and was silently protesting. He's the one with fist raised and wearing the green, black, and red American Legion cap.

Apparently, all of official Washington is in such a tizzy over our l'il ol strip that Cheney is expected to come out swinging. He's angry, smart, powerful, and, unfortunately, not heeding his cardiologist's advice to back off. Terry Colon and I can look forward to some nice IRS audits come April 15. But Suck doesn't pay that much anyway.

Bert

Thanks for shooting down Traffic. I wrote a more or less similar review for our alt-weekly (metropulse.com, y'all -- Knoxville, Tennessee), and our arts editor promptly got an angry call from the PR company that had arranged our press screening (and taken out big ads in our paper). "But this film is going to be nominated for Best Picture!" the flack spluttered. Yes, yes, it is. It might even win. But it's still a bad fusion of The French Connection, Reefer Madness, and an after-school special. (Courtesy of the guys who brought us "thirtysomething," so really, what do you expect?) Anyway, I was feelin' mighty lonely in my disenchantment until I read your piece.

Also, one of our other contributors is executive producer of "City Confidential" on A&E, and he was, to put it mildly, very happy with your recent write-up. He said something like, "Finally, somebody got it!" So thanks for getting it.

Jesse Fox Mayshark Knoxville, TN

<mayshark@metropulse.com>

Thanks for your kind words, Jesse. Good to hear from the folks in Knoxville, or as City Confidential's Paul Winfield would call it, "Knoxville: a neighborly town perched at the headwaters of the Tennessee river, the kind of place where a weekend getaway may involve cheering for the University of Tennessee Vols, taking a nature walk at Cades Cove, or boating on one of the 'Great Lakes' in the shadow of the Smokey Mountains... But a different kind of shadow was about to fall on Knoxville, and this once-friendly berg was headed for a rendezvous with murder..."

Sucksters

I thot TRAFFIC sucked too. The glittering reviews for it are incredulous. Has none of these people ever done any drugs? Apparently, not.

I've smoked crack and done cocaine but I don't end up sleeping with my dealer.

You can read two reviews of it here.

The first is mine and the second is Motel Todd's.

Anti-Hero Art
<antiheroart@earthlink.net>

Incredulous, A.H.A.!

Can you give us your dealer's number? He sounds like a really reasonable business guy!

Sucksters: