for 7 February 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

Terry Colon
Art Director

Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Joey Anuff
Publisher

Dear Polly,

Thanks for today's very funny Filler. I think I'll go get me a sweet little WWJD bracelet and walk around fucking shit up and getting everyone drunk.

By the way, I like your foxy new red sweater. It's got a hood! I'm a sucker for sweaters with hoods.

Oh P.E. P.E. won't you smile for me,

Sharren Bates
<sharrenbates@hotmail.com>

It's a sweatshirt. I'm wearing it right now.

What are you wearing?

Polly

Polly —

Do the links in today's Filler reveal the true source of your newfound divine perspective: the holy word of Tim Rice? If so, right on. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat encapsulates all the important Old Testament lessons (family is destiny and God plays favorites), and Evita sharpens you up for when the Dice are Rolling and the Knives are Out.

Don't ask me what Chess teaches us — I dropped out of seminary.

Bill
<wtipper@lante.com>

The word of Chess sayeth: "Wasn't it good? Wasn't he fine? Isn't it madness? He won't be mine!" I think Bjorn and Benny from ABBA actually collaborated on those lyrics. No, I'm not kidding. Ok, so those lyrics are a little cheesy, but that's a great song. Plus, can you imagine, Tim Rice and Bjorn and Benny, collaborating? Talk about a serious meeting of some of my earliest influences! I'll bet the security that day was pretty high. What a powerful collection of minds under one roof!

Knowing me, knowing you,

Polly

Hey if John Coltrane can do it, why not? Because according to basically all the other religions I am going to Hell, I'd be your first Apostle.

Here are some Sample Commandments, Tell me what you think?

1) Thou shall not kill, unless you have a really good reason, you can successful hide the body, or they were in between you and your Latte.

2) Thou shall not steal....from me.

3) Thou shall not commit adultery, unless your spouse doesn't do it for you anymore, or if the neighbor's spouse is simply hotter.

4) Thou shall not lie, unless you're incredibly entertaining or incredibly good at it.

5) Honor thy Father and Mother, but just enough to keep them from visiting.

6) Keep the Sabbath every day you feel like it, you need to watch TV all day and eat Ho-hos.

OK now I'm really going to Hell. All I need is my hairnet and nametag.

Silly Girl
<bitternfrustrated@yahoo.com>

Hmm. If you're really going to hell, it seems like you might also need a hand basket.

What the fuck IS a hand basket anyway?

Some kind of fucked up basket they use in hell, I guess.

Polly

Hey Polly,

What's with all the thees and thous, and knoweths and believeths in Filler? Christ was a Jew, not a student of Shakespeare.

Jeremy.Means
<jeremy.means@hrcviews.com>

Ever heard of the King James version, genius?

Taketh that!

Polly

I wrote about this for Reason; what you didn't mention, which I think is quite relevant, is that the churchmen insist — and the IRS, with its usual thickheadedeness, absolutely refused to comment so I couldn't get their side of the story — that all the taxes owed were paid all legal and proper-like by the individuals receiving the "love gifts" and that dozens of audits of church ministers ended up with none of them owing anything. Again, this may be bullshit, but it's worth mentioning.

Also worth mentioning, just cause it's pretty fucking funny, is that their website identifies Indianapolis as the "syphilis capital of the world"

Bohm-Bawerk

You're right, that is how they structured their argument. I don't know if you'd agree or not, but I got the sense one can track the evolution of that argument from when it was first made into the crux of their public defense: a stance that the IRS wasn't interested in taxes owed but in the controlling mechanism of withholding income and prepayments. If nothing else, it's an interesting argument for what it reveals about the rhetorical flexibility of the church membership. Also, I believe young Pastor Dixon was indicted for non-payment, which kind of scotches things.

As for the slogan, I can't tell you how disappointed I am civic leaders have gone with the "Amateur Sports Capital" designation.

Thanks,

40th Street Black

Hi, Mr. or Ms. Black —

I enjoyed your article on the unique breeding ground of silliness that is the Indiana Protestant splinter movement (or movements, as the case may be). First the Jack Chick comics, then the refusal to pay taxes, then comes the poison Flav-R-Ade. Luckily, nobody will miss a bunch of Hoosier ninnies — unless, of course, they're all slaughtered in a government-sponsored firestorm. Which will not be financed by their taxes, since they won't pay any.

Regards,

Rebecca Bowen
<akemikitty@yahoo.com>

Hi, Rebecca.

Maybe they could make money for ammunition to firebomb religious compounds its own checkable box on our tax forms?

40th Street Black

40th Street Black,

Thanks for the IBT story. It probably chagrins libertarians and militia members everywhere that the government didn't charge into the church, guns a-blazing, when the 600 congregants were gathered, awaiting a Waco-esque apocalypse.

You really pinned the butterfly to the wall with this one, esp. when you made the point that the whole legal process has legitimatized IBT's struggle in some way. In our media driven society, it's not what the facts are but how you spin it. Thank God some of us are cutting through the bullshit. (I also like the irony of IBT seeking relief from a government that it doesn't believe has authority over it. Oh nellie.)

Brian Mahoney
<bmahoney@chronogram.com>

Hi, Brian.

I agree with everything you wrote. The DIY impulse is so strong in the American heartland, we probably shouldn't be surprised when people start applying it to the Apocalypse.

People organized futile but defiant protests with the benefit of rallying the faithful, running the risk of wider political destabilization the last time a Bush was president, too.

40th Street Black