for 14 February 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

Terry Colon
Art Director

Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Joey Anuff
Publisher

Filler 2.7.01

Hey, thanks for hitting the nail on the head once more. Of course, every man is a composite of these men to look out for. I'm really something of a lightweight/jumpy, though only last year threw out those Buddhist pants from high school, and about half my underwear are white and brief. Though actually dingy grey would be a better description of the color, since I only recently discovered the joy of separating my whites from darks. I am also making the switch to boxers, since I've decided getting laid is more important than that comforting hug briefs give my scrotum.

Am I sharing too much?

You know, I think Suck should start a personals service. It could be like Nerve for abusive sarcastic people with an obsessive need to make a spectacle of themselves. Wait, that is Nerve. Maybe you could just improve the loading time.

Ciao

Ben Schwabe
<bschwabe@mit.edu>

Yeah, creative new paths to online success are looking more and more like short piers, aren't they? For now I guess you'll have to stick to looking for chicks on Nerve. Word to the wise: you might have more success if you keep those dingy scrotum-huggers out of the picture.

Sharing is caring,

Polly

I don't recognize any of the guys you showed off!

I know Mr. I will bail You off the Side of the Road, Mr. you look depressed so here's a little something to tide you over, Mr. come sit in my hot tub until all the kinks get out of your back, Mr. What do you Mean your computer is not running properly, let me look at it, and Mr. When's the last time you heard some decent live music and let's remember Mr. I can actually cook a really good meal without trashing the kitchen, and do it in less than half an hour.

Maybe I'm wearing asshole repellent that works or maybe all the men I know are human beings. Or maybe I'm just lucky. You definitely are getting exposed to some charmers!!!

I'm very much looking forward to the Grrrls you will be serving up later. I think at least one of them will be hiding in the marketing department, and I can start feeling connected to consensus reality again.

Best regards,

Allegra Sloman
<Allegra.Sloman@Xantrex.com>

Maybe you're wearing asshole repellent, or maybe you're some kind of a hippy with a really good aura or a positive vibe that attracts only good Samaritan programmers with hot tubs who cook and see live music regularly. I don't know, though, there's actually something kind of creepy about men with hot tubs who don't make a mess when they cook. Don't you think?

You don't?

Oh. Well, at any rate, I'm glad I could reconnect you to consensus reality. Or consensus fantasy, whichever the case may be.

Disconnected,

Polly

Hi Polly.

I was reading yesterday's Filler and I noticed that you said someone was waiting "in line" for Phish tickets. This may seem inane but in Canada, or at least Montreal and Halifax, we say "waiting on line". Thought you might be interested since you do seem to have a curiosity about things Canadian.

Kara Holm
<kara.holm@ns.sympatico.ca>

That guy, Mr. Mellow? He isn't Canadian. Although I think I can understand why you thought he might be.

Thanks for the heads up, nonetheless. (Just a note: Here in America, we don't usually say "thanks for giving me the heads up", more often we say "thanks for giving me head." Thought you might be interested.)

Best wishes,

Polly

Vanity Unfair

I don't think the big publishers have anything to worry about.

For one thing, sorting through the crap at XLibris to find a few nuggets of gold is a Herculean task that no one except the most dedicated reader is going to undertake. If there are over 100,000 titles, it's not as convenient as going into your local Barnes & Noble and browsing for something to read. I suppose if you know exactly what you want, it's one thing, but XLibris and in fact, every other online bookstore or book publisher, forgets the browse factor.

Second, it would seem to me that promoting literature in any form would be a good thing for the big houses. People need to read and getting them to read anything, even the worst form of crap, could possibly lead to (gasp-ohmygawd) more reading.

Third, so Doubleday doesn't get the royalties — who cares? They get a couple of thousand manuscripts a day that never see the light and probably never will. Unless you meet their rules for submission, it's just going to get tossed in a corner or covered with coffee-stains anyway.

Fourth, and this is probably the most cogent point: how much of their bitching is sour grapes?

Publish or be damned ...

Albert A. Freeman
<albert@groupm7.com>

The bitching is either sour grapes or fear, I'd guess, but there are certainly many savvy pub types, like Jason Epstein, who aren't afraid of web-based vanity. Someone will always want to pay someone else to do the weeding out for them. But I'm just thrilled everytime someone figures out away around such types.

Best,

Eugen

Dear Mr. von Bohm Bawerk,

Thank you for noting that our book, The Bellybutton Fiasco, has yet to appear on the Xlibris website. My co-author, Tom Bissell, and I have been trying to bring this to the attention of Xlibris for some time now, but it seems that our publisher is a bit swamped. (Bringing out the legions of worthy books, unjustly and myopically denied publication by traditional houses, is evidently a time-consuming task.)

But I am happy to report that we have been mailed the diskette containing our proof pages, which we were instructed to print out and review. Having emailed Xlibris the pre-selected number of corrections, we are quite hopeful that the publication of our novel is imminent. Awaiting the arrival of the book has been quite trying, as you can imagine, and so we are grateful for your support in our endeavor to hurry things along with Xlibris.

Regards,

Webster Younce
<wyounce@arcadepub.com>

Mr. Younce:

Thank you for the alert. I had no idea Xlibris's lead time was so long. Apologies for my sideways suggestion that you hadn't/weren't going through with it. I look forward for my chance to sample and possibly purchase your novel.

Best,

Eugen

Scattered throughout McSweeney's #4 is a good send up of Xlibris.

That's it,

KC
<filet_o_keith@hotmail.com>

I don't read '"vanity'" publications as a matter of course, but if I can afford it I'll check that out. Is that the one that came stuck inside a crushed body of a pre-80s automobile and retailing for $299.99?

Best,

Eugen

Thank you for today's Suck. I work at the University of Chicago Press, and while we (being in a different, more stable position) don't hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth nearly so much as those in New York seem to, it's good to have someone clear through the intellectual obfuscation and point out what people are really worried about. This will go up on my bulletin board, to be taken down and passed around should the discussion turn to — gasp — the future.

Levi Stahl, Advertising Manager, University of Chicago Press
<lts@press.uchicago.edu>

Mr. Stahl:

Thanks for your comments. I'm glad you found the article useful.

Warmly,

Eugen

I humbly present my very own iuniverse-published "genre novel" — details at the URL below. all I can say about the traditional publishing biz is that I found it to be a brick wall. the worthiness of my book is not for me to judge, but Mojo ("Elvis Is Everywhere") Nixon calls it, "A pure American tale of insanity, lust and gonzo, flat-out rock-n-fucking-roll!!"

Now there's an endorsement,

David Menconi - Raleigh (NC) News & Observer
<dmenconi@nando.com>

Thanks for reading, and good luck with selling a million copies of your novel behind the publishing industry's back...

Best,

Eugen