for 14 March 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

Terry Colon
Art Director

Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Joey Anuff
Publisher

Hey, I hate my job, but the cartoon was funny. Now I'm going to drive an hour across town in the snow to see my girlfriend that I don't really like. Wanna go out?

BGZW
<Bgzw18d@aol.com>

Sure. I love men who hate their jobs, read cartoons instead of working, and date women they don't like. Why else would they date me, after all?

Do you have snow tires? Snow tires seal the deal.

Polly

Subject: You're angry...I know

Polly,

I think you captured my essence. I piss everyone off. But instead of expensive therapy, I would recommend the bong hit.

Thanks, that was fun!

Damon Delgado
<damon@giantsloth.com>

The bong hit can be considered expensive therapy, actually, depending on what kind of pot you prefer.

Thanks for guest-starring on Filler. Your residuals should start arriving in a few months. Merchandising rights are out of the question, though. Tell your agent to stop smoking the glass pipe.

So washed up I'm resorting to crack jokes,

Polly

Dear Polly:

Of course you know better than I that Damon Delgado is absolutely right: Filler is far and away the best and most popular part of Suck Daily. I consider myself to be somewhat serious, but Filler has me laughing out loud in my office on a regular basis. Not that I don't appreciate a meandering essay from time to time; after all, I curl up with the New Yorker every week. But I usually glance at Suck's content on non-Filler days and move on. If Filler were on ABC it would appear three days a week, but I suppose we have to be satisified with the one day that we get.

By the way, have you heard anything lately from the blue-veined nine-inch thumper?

Yours,

Christopher
<Cutematureoral4u@aol.com>

That's the nine-inch blue-vein thumper, Christopher. Please.

I heard from the nine-inch blue-vein thumper just the other day. It wants back-end points on the nine-inch blue-vein plush squeaky toy we have planned. Naturally back-end points are out of the question, but we'll pay it handsomely upfront regardless.

If Filler were on ABC it would get canceled after three shows because it would take more time than that for the highly dysfunctional, anti-social demographic we cater to to mention it to all of their dysfunctional friends. Filler would really have to be on cable, don't you think?

Boy am I boring me right now.

Hand cancel,

Polly

The text above the cartoons were very blurry and hard to read this week. Do you have a complete idiot getting the images ready for the web? Fire her/him.

Jarrett Kertesz
<jarrett1@optonline.net>

Yeah, Terry is a complete idiot, but firing him is out of the question, since he draws all the cute little pictures that seem to magically transform our words into something remotely tolerable. We don't know how to fix that blurry thing, and we can't communicate that to him. We tried beating him, but he doesn't seem to understand. Lately we've been throwing a Honey Baked Ham into his cage every Thursday. That seems to be working out pretty well so far, so look for some improvement in image quality in the coming weeks.

Polly

Good observations on the general uselessness of TV critics (and especially the shrewd insight that the reason they waste so much ink obsessing over HBO's crude critical favorites). Check out any current issue of TV Guide for a clue to how overwhelming this TV critic-ocracy has become. Before you get to the endless, 6-point MEGO columns of program listings that are now needed to shove in every possible channel ("hmm, what's coming up on the All Reptiles Channel at 7?"), the intro pages offer little more than critics criticising damn near every program heading (sports, sci-fi, soaps, more soaps, more sports, etc.). It's like a review of the New York white pages.

Ralph Ward
<rward@boardroominsider.com>

Have to differ with you here, Ralph. Reading through TV listings has accounted for some of the happiest hours of my life. Who can say no to the pith and incisiveness of reviews like "Stupendous Stamos" or "A gripping thrillride"? Capsule reviews are perfect statements of our time — opinions by people who don't actually care.

Addison

Clark, good to see Addison hitting the big time of Suck.com. I look forward to future installments.

Paul Wayne Smith
<paul.wayne.smith@us.arthurandersen.com>

It's the big time, alright. Super to hear from you after all this time, Paul Wayne!

Clark

Subject: Don't be so lazy