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Prozac: It's Not Just For
Breakfast Anymore
That Prozac article is the
stuff that most people don't
want to talk about. I mean,
if someone is popping the
stuff for months on end it's
probably time to seek some
more serious help. As I read
the article I couldn't help
but sing a few lines ...
"This is ground control to
Major Tom ..." (David Bowie,
"Space Oddity").
It's amazing how profitable
that stuff is. Makes me wish
I had invented it.
We are very fortunate that
Bill Gates doesn't control
the whole Prozac market. If
that were true, half the
nation would be hooked on the
stuff. It would be on every
desktop. The mainstream media
would be falling all over
themselves telling us how
good it is and how good
Prozac98™ is going to
be. Imagine the shrinks
signing agreements that say
that they can prescribe no
other drug. Imagine the
shelves at Longs, or whatever
your local drug store happens
to be. Aspirin? Gone.
Pepto-Bismal? Gone. Tums?
Gone. Just rows and rows of
Prozac products. Magazines
and books devoted to Prozac.
But of course that would never
happen, would it?
Mark
If Bill controlled the Prozac
market, we probably wouldn't
care that he did.
Miss O'Tate,
Good to see someone else finds
the concept of having to
advertise for antidepressant
medication a little
unnerving. Being a
manic-depressive myself, I
didn't exactly have the
luxury of skimming through
popular magazines in search
of a nice little pill to try
... and wouldn't necessarily
want to. Unfortunately, it's
the American attitude that
you refer to in your article
(the need to self-medicate,
whether through pills, smack,
or Hostess) that lets the
pharmaceutical companies get
away with plastering Parade
Magazine and People with
sunny ads chock full of
cheery thirtysomethings being
too pleasant for their own
good. Only in America would
people allow their doctors to
get them on medication for
something like a bad hair
day. No wonder the threat of
antibiotics adaptation by
bacteria is so close; doctors
give them away, along with
antidepressants, like candy,
and the American people eat
it up without questioning.
What disturbs me the most
about the widespread use of
antidepressants by
individuals who might not
really need them is that
those folks who do might not
be taken seriously. It
frightens me to think that
the FDA might actually allow
Eli Lilly to assign secondary
indications to Prozac -
indications that will further
their ability to get the
world "hooked" on a drug it
doesn't need. Let's just hope
the federal drug barons
aren't hopped up on the smack
they're being asked to clear
on the day their approval
review comes up.
Sean Lunsford
<lunchbox@charm.net>
There is something unnerving
about bumping into a
"Depression hurts. Prozac can
help." ad right after an
article titled "Immediate
Help for I Hate Myself Days."
There are plenty of people
who need Prozac, but there
are far more people who
don't, and persuading them to
think they do is a step
towards the widespread
commercialization of mental
makeup - cosmetic
pharmacology for those of us
whose attitudes are ugly.
A not-insignificant number of
readers wrote in to point out
that antidepressants can be
valuable, even life-saving,
for the clinically depressed.
As a resident alien in the
Prozac Nation (I haven't
filled my prescription yet),
I can appreciate the
sentiment. The venom of last
week's article was probably
just me "acting out." When
(and if) the perscription
kicks in, those readers
offended by my cavalier
attitude are invited to tune
again for the new and
improved Suck, including
thoughtful comparisons of
Touched by an Angel vs. Dr.
Quinn and "Ten Things You
Never Noticed About a
Sunset." Until then, I'll be
self-medicating with
over-the-counter drugs,
perferably the kind that come
with olives.
Make it dry - very, very dry,
Ann
Subject: Prozac in Canada:
It's in the water
Canadians, and now people on
Prozac. Talk about shooting
at fish in a barrel. Now that
I think of it, too many of
your recent targets have been
easy marks. What happened to
the challenge of it all?
It's just too easy to be
cynical. You know, it's
actually fun to take a stand
that alienates you from those
who you think are cool. So
come on, repeat after me: I
actually like Hanson. I
actually like Hanson....
Darcy
<quesnel
@turing.scs.carleton.ca>
Sure, being cynical is easy.
That's never been the
challenge - the challenge is
seeing for how long we can
get away with it. As for
Hanson - well, they're easy
too.
Subject: Drugs
You people have finally gone
too far. Your blatant
endorsement of recreational
drugs is an outrage, and I
would write my congressman if
I weren't high as a fucking
kite.
<Zenarchy@aol.com>
Filler
I'm surprised you didn't
include Canadians in the list
of people you've pissed off.
But maybe that was your
tactic, to piss them off by
not including them.
Happy day,
Mike McCool
<mlm@netscape.com>
It just slipped our minds
completely.
My Own Private "I Dunno"
Hello sir,
Your tone in the recent piece
"My Own Priviate 'I Dunno'"
has given insight into your
consumer needs. You fall into
the category of
anxious/idealizer. You will
most likely purchase a new
espresso/capuccino maker in
the next month - you can find
purchase information later in
this email. If you start to
feel, as your friends call
it, "stressed out," feel free
to experience the benefits of
prescription Prozac,
availible from your doctor.
If you start to feel worried
about making purchases with
your credit card, simply read
some of the enclosed
information about the joys of
credit, brought to you by
Visa: It's Everywhere You
Want to Be.
By following your consumer
instincts, your life will be
more productive and
satisfying. May your
purchasing life be long and
happy!
Sincerely, your friend,
Lee Azzarello #556985471
That's great advice,
particularly in a world where
good consumer instincts are
more adaptive in a Darwinian
sense than seemingly more
reasonable criteria like,
say, good eyesight, fists the
size of grapefruits, or even
a hesitancy to use
clichéd phrases. Thank
God for that, too, or our
genes wouldn't stand a
snowball's chance in Hell.
Implying that Missoula is a
den of paranoid survivalists
is like calling Portland,
Oregon, a big city - it's
only that way to people who
have never been there. Take a
trip to the eastern part of
Montana sometime (Malta?),
wear your favorite
star-and-sickle T-shirt, and
you'll experience real
paranoia while looking down
the barrel of a shotgun.
Having lived in Missoula,
Kalispell, Libby, and
Colstrip - and traveled to
nearly every other town in
Montana with more than 5,000
people in it - I suggest that
you pick on Butte. Reknowned
first for the Berkeley Pit,
and second for St. Patty's
Day brawls, drinking the
water there is more likely to
induce birth defects and hair
loss than Bikini Atoll. Well,
maybe the water's not that
bad, but I certainly wouldn't
brush my teeth with it.
Incidently, I saw the PBS
thing about The Spot/Suck/
Brain Opera. I would have
never guessed Joey had such a
big mouth.
And as far as finding refuge
from the prying eyes of the
government goes (today's
piece on "privacy"), Idaho is
a much better place to hide
out than Montana. But shh,
don't tell anyone.
Selena Brewington
<selena
@basil.uoregon.edu>
We would never have guessed
Joey had such a big mouth,
either. This is a man
destined for a career in
front of the camera.... We're
thinking maybe as the "What's
New in Technology" guy for a
local TV station in some
little dipshit town somewhere
like ... Butte!
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