for 19 September 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Royal Icing

This whole hoorah about one
spoiled, possibly misused (by
Chuck POW) woman went all too
far. She did elect to keep
poor company, went riding in
a car that was driven by a
drunken fool ... who was on
the payroll of a wimpy
overstuffed Arab who could
not even control his
emotions, or the very driver
whose salary he was paying
... 121 mph is
unconscionable, in any
setting as far as safety
goes. I feel badly for the
young lads who have to suffer
living even longer among
those in-bred Capulet
wannabes.... Keep on with
the vision of stark reality,
please ... peace or death ...
Christopher D. McCoy ...

Keeping poor company doesn't
generally kill people - or
most of your friends would be
dead by now.

Your essay has Pulitzer
written all over it. This
makes it sort of hard to
read, but in a good way.

During last week's homecoming
festival for the Royal
Signifier, I found myself
thinking of Cindy Sherman. In
the years before Lady Di and
Madonna burbled into the
limelight, Sherman began
taking pictures of herself;
her idea, she said, was to
"make other people recognize
something of themselves
rather than me."

She failed miserably,
utterly. As her photos become
more abstract, like grotesque
still lifes, spectators
profess liking the photos in
which they're sure some part
of her body appears.
Unsurprisingly, this is also
the same criterion collectors
are applying when gauging
what to offer for her work.

Why? Maybe because one's
instinct when viewing
multiple images of the same
person is to look for
similarities, for
consistency, for the
recognizable. Psychologists
call it confirmation bias,
and anyone attempting to
alter one's identity can't
win. All the pieces have to
fit.

Just goes to show you what a
bonehead Eliot was about that
"extinction of personality"
snuff ... er, stuff.

Now Madonna sponsors a
retrospective of Sherman's
film stills, and, like the
critics in Woody Allen's
Stardust Memories, everybody
pretty much agrees they like
this early work best.
Meanwhile, Sherman proceeds
further and further into
grotesque transfigurations.
Oh yeah - and then there's
her soon-to-be-released film
Office Killer, in which Carol
Kane spends a lot of time
disposing of bodies in
interesting ways.

Hmm.... Now I'm thinking
Cindy Sherman's career
trajectory sounds a lot like
that of Suck itself.

Not that this has fuck-all to
do with your essay, which was
amazing.

Tom Dowe

Pulitzer? I'd settle for a
giant Death Ray Machine. If
there is a committee that
grants those, please recommend
me to them. Especially
because Cindy Sherman is
probably on it.

Hypatia

Subject: Royal Icing

Enjoyed your article, "Royal
Icing."

Invective (and wit) reminded
me of Juvenal.

Regards, Frank M
<rankm@onaustralia.com.au>

That's what Ana said - that
it was juvenile. Oh well,
"Talent perhaps I lack, but
anger's an inspiration ... I
must cover it all in this
olio, everything human."
Excuse me while I go butter
something.

Hypatia

It's the Crack

The only thing I want to know
is: Why hasn't Terry Colon
drawn a picture of a giant
Canadian crack-smoking rabbit
already?

Justin

Patience, cricket. In time,
this too shall come to pass.

Call of the Unemployed

Subject: cool_how's_it_hangin

YO ! MAN! You got any shit for
"suck" job opening...
"ha ... ha ..." Kill
the swearing do ya have any
job opening's???
Cool website needs some work
if you would like a me to be
a writer or a "webmaster" it
is up to you. "Ya! tell me
what Ya need if i can i will
"deliver" e-mail me please,
not hard up for money just
need a job ... to shut my
mother up ... If you
understand what i am getting
at. They say you get to know
some one more by there
e-mail's than, over the
phone, or "vid-phone" If i
have to go for an interveiw,
I have "vid-phone" and what
ever "chat" tool in this
"sys" If you do not have a
job opening. By the sound of
it you do not, thats cool,
please send this e-mail to
someone that does.
Hacker...no! unless you need
one. "WEBMASTER" "SHIT YES"
MY WORK: (url withheld)
prices: the best in the
world... staring at "$25"
unlimeted "txt" all the time.
"hope to here from you.."

<Name Withheld to Protect
the Mentally Unstable>

"Hell" yeah, man ... we got
"jobs" for you!!!!!! And ways
to shut your mother
up ... if you
understand what we're getting
at "DARN TOOTIN'!"

Hit and Run

In Thursday's Hit and Run
column, Suck attempted to
deliver a low blow to our
most-cited but least-read
compatriot, Slate. We
recounted a rumor about
Michael Kinsley's impending
move to DC without noting
that Kinsley has bought a
rather pricy manse up north,
and we cited a pageview count
that - uh - we did not go out
of our way to investigate.
Turns out our low blow was a
little too low - by at least
350,000 pageviews, according
to a recent Slate Webhead
column. The errors of our
way with words were pointed
out to us in a
ultra-professional and
understandably perplexed
personal communique, one in
which it was pointed out that
our rumor-mongering was all
the more hurtful because
we're "so widely read." Which
may be true, though it often
doesn't seem that way.

Royal Icing

Just a friendly note to let
you know that Seth Sanders'
"A Royal Icing" in today's
Suck is one of the most
amazing things I've read in a
long, long time. Being a
media member and media
junkie, I've been paying a
lot of attention to the many
opinions that have been
forthcoming in the wake of
Diana's death and the ensuing
orgy of guilt and
gut-checking. From
Jonathan Alter to Johnny
Cochrane, I've listened to
everyone's two cents - so
it's odd and rather humbling
to read the only insightful
opinion about the morality
and malice of Di's media
send-off in Suck, which a lot
of people laugh off. I'm not
laughing.

You guys do fantastic work and
ought to be congratulated on
this one.

Daniel Morris, Assistant
Editor, PC Games magazine

Considering my failings as a
humorist (the outbursts of
unbridled hatred seem to put
a damper on the laffs), I'd
damn well better try to make
it as a thinker. But though a
lot of the stuff here is
delivered in that "just
connect the dots, fucker"
style that my generation
can't seem to get away from,
the bulk of it is serious
underneath - a fact which I'm
happy you appreciate. Thanks.

Hypatia

Subject: princess diana,
unending incrimination,
general existential
dissatisfaction

Endless English professors, or
perhaps those committed to
more classic conceptions,
bemoan the misuse of the word
"tragedy" in the coverage of
disasters, random acts of
violence, impalements,
blindings, etc. The same
might be said of Diana's
"tragic" death. The
complexity of the ending of
her life is, as you admit,
almost beautiful - not in a
way that makes us pat
ourselves and agree that all
is well in the universe, but
in a way that leads us into
believing there is some
relation between the things
we invest ourselves in and
the ultimate result of those
investments. Princess Diana
was a reasonably decent human
being in a position of
tremendous privilege, who was
a slave to the media -
annoyed and bothered as any
self-respecting person might
be, but recognizing that she
had the power to verbally
persuade and affect behavior
based on the exotic locations
and humanitarian missions to
which she was sure to attract
the most notable journalists
of the world. If she desired
the unparalleled coverage of
her most personally sacred
causes, she must have
realized the resultant
undermining of her personal
world to the disgrace and
dirtying of public scrutiny
and examination. No
intoxicated bodyguard fleeing
at 120 miles an hour could
have saved her from such a
concession of her privacy -
quite simply, she had no
choice but to live a public
life, and any attempt on her
part to escape from that
scrutiny would have required
such a drastic action as the
one that was taken. She, or
her bodyguard, too drunk to
realize he could not outrun
speedy Italian motorcycles,
ached to be free of the
burden - only to find that it
was one that she could not
release without forfeiting
the very privileged life that
her public notoriety had
insured her.

Much as disingenuous reporters
and societal commentators
cited as the proof of the
supreme crookedness of the
American Legal System the
acquittal of a certain former
Buffalo Bill, the same
thoughtless reporters and
personalities show pretty
pictures of Diana hugging
little starving black
children and lash out at
those immoral little bastards
who ride around on the bikes
and take dirty little
pictures of big dirty people.
And we're left to wonder if
it could ever have happened
another way.

Brian Healey

I find something terrifying in
the way that the seclusion of
someone like Salinger is
viewed as an act of hubris to
be punished. But I don't
claim to understand the
dynamics of Diana's life; I
don't want to participate in
thinking about it. Especially
since no one's gonna remember
this shit in two weeks. Maybe
the shelf-life is the sickest
thing actually....

Hypatia

Loved your Diana piece a lot;
some of the most powerful
writing I've read in a long
time. Weird how lately I
pulled out this copy of
Society of the Spectacle. I
am amazed at how simple to
understand this obscure
French philosophical stuff is
right now, when we've got the
illustrations of it at our
fingertips.

Anyway, great job. Hope to
read more soon.

Miles Escherich

The ideas that Guy DeBord laid
out in his Society of the
Spectacle have become
pedestrian as the
implications have been
forgotten or avoided. His
program may have failed, but
we still have to deal with
the consequences of what he
foresaw.

Hypatia