for 14 January 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Subject: Scylla and Charybdis

When I was satisfied that
Wired [Ventures] wasn't going
to ax Suck, I decided,
against my better judgment,
to renew my subscription to
Wired magazine for 1998. On
the one hand, for the past
year, Wired has been awful;
but on the other hand, they
(sort of) pay (some of) you
guys. Besides, I tell myself:
from Wired, one can learn a
lot about typography and
fontography, albeit strictly
by negative example.

Keep on suckin'.

Sean M. Burke
<sburke@babel.ling.nwu.edu>

Thanks for your charity. Rest
assured, they pay for all of
us guys, therefore your
support is greatly
appreciated.

On the other hand, you could
just send us a check
directly.

Real Genius

In 1996, Polly thanked her
editor for making her look
good. In 1997, she thanked
her cartoonist. Leaving aside
any intraoffice tensions this
may have caused, will 1998
finally be the year in which
she admits that it is she -
Polly! - who is the true
genius of Suck?

Karl Marksred Wreakers of the
Weird

I don't remember thanking
those bastards. Besides, I
thought it was just a given
that I was the true genius of
Suck, however dubious that
accolade might be. 1998: The
Year of the Hack.

Thanks for making me look
bad, Karl.

Polly

Children of the Scorn

Am I the only one who has
noticed that, in every
fucking (boring, stupid, no
content) speech that idiot of
a president has given
(phew!), the word "children"
has been mentioned?

As a result, every time I
hear that word now, I go
(like postal) and search for
the nearest tall building
with rifle in hand.

In my opinion, this is a way
to cover for his
unimaginative politics and
policies. By hiding under
"the word," he can fire back
at critics by accusing them
of being un-American and
"against the future of our
children."

Well, he can go fuck himself
and his child(ren). Including
his bastard child Al "fuckme"
Gore.

Sorry about the rant.

Skia

Yes, you're the only one who
has noticed. But have you
also noticed that he also
invariably mentions
"chicken"? What's up with all
this talk of "chicken"? And
have you also heard him, in
nearly the same breath, speak
of "dental floss," or "bunny
rabbits"? Like anyone is
against "dental floss"! If we
hear that fuck go on about
"bunny rabbits" one more
time, we're gonna burn down
Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles
and deny some children a
future filled with chicken
and waffles.

Hold Everything

What do you have that made
you predict Pottery Barn will
file for Chapter 11?

Biggun007
<Biggun007@aol.com>

Well, Pottery Barn is owned
by the same people who own
Hold Everything, and our
psychics tell us that, in
1998, unruly, disorganized,
shelf-free apartments filled
with books and random file
folders and tangled webs of
socks and underwear will be
all the rage. Sell high,
brother.