for 6 March 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Inversion of Privacy

I don't want to seem too smug
or self-important here, but I
was an intern with Dick
Morris when the hooker story
broke (perhaps all parties
would have been better served
if Monica Lewinsky had my job
at the time?), and he did in
fact resign from the
Clinton/Gore campaign within
hours of the story hitting
the newsstands.

Normally I wouldn't care
about what was said, but I
regard Suck as the last hope
of retaining integrity in
journalism. The New York
Times et al. need to come
down off the pedestal and
realize that the bottom line
is that they only care about
their bottom line. As nightly
news programs look for new
ways to attract viewers
(bolstering ratings and
increasing revenues from
advertisers), having taken
away Tom Brokaw's desk as one
move, it makes you wonder if
GE CEO Jack Welsh is sitting
around plotting to replace
Brokaw with the SI '98
swimsuit models for May
sweeps in order to attract
the all-important males 18 to
35 demographic.

I look to Suck as the last
holdout from such blatant
corruption in offering facts.
You folks never let me down,
so I just wanted to let you
know that Morris was a goner,
and that President Clinton is
known around this town for
selling out his buddies when
the chips are stacked against
them (see Lani Gunier).

Thanks for a great product,
Seamus McFatso

Disregard this message I
sent, 'cause as I read
further, I found out your
point was my point and now I
feel real dumb-like. Sorry,
I'm a jack-ass.

Seamus McFatso

Not so fast, there, mister.
You write, "I was an intern
with Dick Morris when the
hooker story broke," and
think you can just walk away
without relating so much as a
single sleazy sex story?
Dish, sonny, dish....

What on earth was it like?

Ambrose Beers

Unfortunately, Dick Morris
was like John Forsyeth on
Charlie's Angels, we never
really saw the guy. He was
very stealthy, and in fact,
his scheduler was the most
crushed when the story broke
because he had no idea (you
know what they say, the
executive assistant is always
the last to know). Morris
worked out of his hotel, and
now we know exactly what he
was working on most of the
time, while the small staff
he had worked out of the
campaign HQ. Morris' wife
even flew down every weekend
from Connecticut to be with
him; she was really nice, but
I suppose she could have been
more receptive to
toe-sucking.

Other than that Morris was an
absolutely brilliant man with
absolutely no soul or moral
compass. He knew the art of
winning, and actually started
President Clinton down the
primrose path of
triangulation. Female
genitalia imagery aside, I
enjoyed working for him
because I have no soul and a
heart two sizes too small,
like the Grinch. I guess you
can say it was the ultimate
job for a cynic.

Still trying to figure out
what's so damn funny about
South Park, I remain,

Seamus McFatso

That was well put, very well
put.

Josh Toon

If I'm not mistaken, that's
exactly what Monica Lewinsky
said.

No Moral Compass,
Ambrose Beers

Supply, Demand, Craziness,
Pizza

I'm afraid you would actually
witness a distressing decline
in crazed pizza-delivery
persons. If there were, in
fact, an increased demand,
who's to stop this
entrepreneuring group from
unionizing or at the very
least refusing to deliver
said pizzas unless they
receive contracts, benefits,
and 401(K)s? Ralph: Listen
and listen good, if we allow
marijuana (mj) use to go
unlegalized we could be faced
with severe inflation of
pizza acquisition costs - no
more two larges with three
toppings for US$8!! The
writing's on the wall - you
said it yourself!

Back on the board with one
good reason to legalize the
damned drug.

Meg

Mmmeg. That was good. Write
to us more often.

Filler: Couples to Avoid

As life (mine) progresses, or
at least seems to vibrate
toward advancing years, the
tendency to become jaded gets
stronger. Then I encounter
cynical and witty
observations on dating and
mating, made by persons I
(ashamedly) sometimes think
of as "kids," that not only
strikes a resonant key in me,
but also just plain amuses
outright.

Hmm, maybe there is a common
thread within humanity; maybe
the isolation is only a
construct of a myopic
outlook.

Cool.

Group hug?

Dave (of Iowa)

P. S. Betting you declined on
the hug (good call), keep up
the good work anyway.

We are kids, kind of. Young
enough to avoid group hugs,
at any rate.

But it's good to know we
could improve an old guy's
outlook on humanity. However,
we're fearful of this
increasing jadedness you
speak of. We can't get much
more jaded, Dave.

Maybe we do need that group
hug after all.

Polly. Really good stuff!

I believe that the Mr.
Fucking Cool and Fashion
Victim's date took place at
Coffee Shop in New York City.
In the booth in the corner,
by the front window ... in
September 1991. French toast.
She had Avocado Vinaigrette
in a pocket.

I was there.

MFC

Did you marry her, or did you
just wait on the two of them
that day?