for 27 March 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Your piece was brilliant and
very much true. It's sad that
television has been reduced
to shows like Searching for
Justice with Fred Goldman.
It's even sadder that people
will actually watch the show.
Because if some people watch
mindless drivel (like When
Animals Attack), you know
that we (the viewing public)
will watch anything. Maybe
someday there will come a
time when television
executives will actually
decide to produce only
quality TV shows. But when
shows like Jerry Springer are
on the air, that day seems
less and less likely to come.

BLUEMACH55
<BLUEMACH55@aol.com>

Thanks for your note. As you
say, we seem to get what we
ask for, on a collective
level. Unfortunately, that's
not a very flattering
statement about American
tastes, and it makes me want
to buy one of those tacky
satellite dishes, so I can
watch Norwegian broadcasts of
ski racing all day long.

E. L. Skinner

I agree totally. TV has
surpassed the "annoying"
stage and is rapidly
approaching insulting. Jerry
Springer should be run over
(perhaps several times?) by a
herd of vengeful dromedaries.
Then kicked. Repeatedly.

Damn it. Now I'm all sweaty.

Never fear, however. TV may
be God, but that particular
deity is going the way of the
<insert favorite annoying now-extinct monkey here>. Soon it'll be Jerry-Online!
Then we can all sit around
masturbating in non public
rooms, to the tune of
"Alaskan prostitutes and the
sleds they love."

Technology rules.

So does Godzilla.

Godzilla would kick
Technology's ass because
Technology doesn't have
flame-breath.

Remember that. It's vital.

Take it easy....

Requiem
<simulacrum@earthlink.net>,

You said: Technology doesn't
have flame-breath.

Not yet! But here at Suck
Laboratories we're working on
the world's first olfactory
plug-in. The first order of
business is to create aroma
content: you know, fish,
smoking gun, etc. The remote
flamethrower will be next.
Contrary to the popular
saying, you should - by all
means - hold your breath.
Thanks a lot for your note.
Yes, Godzilla's days may be
numbered. But he still, in
fact, rules.

E. L. Skinner

Hey, sports fans: It's time
for a rousing game of "My
humor's better than your
humor." The rules are rather
simple. Watch (or glance at)
an episode or two of any
given show (in this case,
Ellen). If you don't happen
to find it particularly
amusing, immediately label it
boring. For everyone. Always.
Leave no room for
interpretation. What's funny
to you is good comedy; what's
funny to women, progressives,
lesbians - sorry, that's just
an exercise in tedious
identity politics.

It comes down to this: Varied
experiences yield vastly
different senses of humor.
Belching, fat jokes, and
attacks on marginalized
people don't tend to tickle
my funnybone, so I have
limited viewing options. I
do happen to find Ellen
(and Cybil, and Xena, and Buffy, and
Living Single, and The
Simpsons, and Grace Under
Fire, and others) not only
intelligently written but
honestly funny. Ellen is
about the same things that
Seinfeld has always been
about - a whole lot of
nothing that goes on in
people's everyday lives.
Except that Seinfeld's
nothing is straight nothing,
and Ellen's nothing is queer
nothing. The writing is just
as strong, the focus is just
shifted. If you don't find it
funny, don't watch. But don't
label it tedious simply
because it falls outside of
your experience. Suck is
generally more astute than
that.

Jenn Pozner
<Jennifer_L_Pozner@arkwright.com>

Anyway, thanks again
for your note.

E. L. Skinner

New Girl Order

Nice piece about the women.
Especially the connection
with the 11-year-old consumer
of bygone days. And the
notion about freedom being
the source of personal power.
And the part about orgasms in
urban apartments taking on a
new, post-pomo meaning. I
never thought of orgasms as
having any meaning at all!
And yet, there they are.
Fundamentally freeing.
Morphing culture when taken
in a new context. As if
instead of being defined by
culture, they define culture
themselves. McLuhan reified:
"The orgasm is the message?"
Oh, we are all animals after
all. OK by me!

Jack
<jackgrmn@cruzio.com>

You would say that. Animal.

Hypatia -

DAMN fine essay! You put your
finger on the trigger of a
point-of-view for which I've
been searching for some time
now. Outstanding. It's a sad
society in which the only
sanctioned goals of women
seem to be Prize and Loser.
I'm a male (and
gender-content, thanks), but
I've been seriously disturbed
by what I see to be a failing
of the American Male. For
years I've labored under the
delusion that I'm an average
model of AM. Circumstances
occurring recently, however,
have dashed that belief; most
guys are still prehensile in
their attitude toward gals.
Having had two daughters at
an early age, I can tell you
this is terrifying. And as
you point out, an external
aura of Sweetness and Light
won't be changin' the fact
that it's only Ol' Madison
Avenue come knocking at the
door to sell us a Panacea.

What a bitter viewpoint. What
a horrible truth.

MISTER (w/ my name + views,
I'm really touchy @ that)
Inness Asher, struggling
doctoral candidate Lafayette,
Louisiana

Bitter viewpoints and
horrible truths are our
specialty.

Subject: Waaaait a second!

Viz Suck 3/13/98 (New Girl
Order) ...

Mother? Mother sees magazine
on floor? You don't still
LIVE with your mother, do
you? Female empowerment means
moving away from Mom. (Male
empowerment means learning
how to be a decent human
being instead of a jerk.)

Still, it is good to see
reference to one's mother as
a sensible person. Huzzah to
you for such a rare
perspective. Anyway, all this
talk of boob power reminds me
of something I read that was
attributed to Helen Gurley
Brown, which said that most
women care more about how
they look because they know
most men aren't very capable
of thinking. Sigh.
Thankfully, Suck showcases
femme talent that is, at
times, quite brilliant.

Furthermore, here in the
late-20th-century, in this
most-privileged country,
surrounded by miraculous
technology, a shelf of books
that just hints at the
offerings of the millennium
of human culture, I have to
admit, it looks like some
people, somewhere, sometime,
must have done a lot of
thinking. That we are
continually bombarded by
contrary evidence should not
dishearten us, but rather
assure us that there are
challenges to be met and
folly to be exposed! Here's
to Suck for rising to the
occasion; cheers!

Some of them might even have
been women!

But, either way, let's be
thankful that they did lots
of thinking so we don't have
to. Cheers!

P. S. Suck, rising to the
occasion? Sounds like you
need more boob power in your
life.