for 20 May 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Overprofessionalism

Dear Suck -

Your column/comic about
Overprofessionalism really
scared me. It seems as though
my parents might be rearing
me to be an Overprofessional.
My mother is in the Very
Professional category and my
father is in the
Overprofessional (severe)
category. Whenever I have to
interact with grown-ups in a
social setting,
Overprofessional banter is
the rule. I didn't know what
a horrible malady this was
until I read your column.
Thank you for opening my
eyes.

Of course, when interacting
with my friends I don't
really talk like that. But I
don't talk like normal. Which
leads me to believe that
there exists another, similar
malady:
Pseudo-intellectualism.

Basically, I use big words,
own a lot of books that no
one in their right mind would
read for pleasure, and score
well on standardized tests. I
am currently experimenting
with a regimen of television
and frequent masturbation as
a cure. I will inform you if
I am successful.

Julius
<students@bethashita.org.il>

Don't dabble too much in
Pseudo-intellectualism,
friend, or the next thing you
know you'll be wearing socks
with sandals, eating beanie
weanies out of the can, and
losing sleep over the
inherent contradictions
within some "-ism." That's
right, you'll be a grad
student. Oh, sure, all that
superiority and expertise has
its draw now, but just trust
us. Trust us, kid! Turn back
while you still can!

Hi,

I don't know write in English
very well. So, I'll try to
say in a few words what I'm
thinking about
Overprofessionals.

Move to a Third World
country is not the solution.
Here in Brazil there is a lot
of this kind of animals, and
they're like Gremlins (the
movie): Once you've said the
word "money," one turns out
two, two turns four, four
eight ... is incredible!
They're getting the world's
control!

I need great solutions to
exterminate them from Third
World ... just because they
copy Overprofessionals of
First World, with one big
difference: Third World
Overprofessionals don't have
Texas to go.

I'm writing for help. No more
say.

Love,
Bartira Pontes
<cpontes@sti.com.br>

Don't believe the rumors,
Bartira. You can't get Texas
to go here, either. You can
get the Texas Burger, with a
taste as big and bold as the
state of Texas itself, to go,
but not Texas.

Getting the world's control,

Polly

Fillerversary

Polly,

A few weeks ago, I woke up
one morning and couldn't
remember what day it was.
Then I remembered that the
previous day had been
"Filler" day. This is how I
knew it was Thursday. Yes, I
spend too much time online.
Filler rules - keep up the
good work.

Mike Musgrove
Fast Forward/The Washington Post

I like to think that by
writing Filler, I'm providing
a valuable service to those
who spend too much time
online and don't own a
calendar.

But then, I also like to
think that by getting 9 hours
of sleep a night, I'm making
the world a better place.

Nursing these delusions and
more,

Polly

Polly -

Congratulations on a really
groovy and consistently
readably cool column. It is
one of the things that I read
dutifully every week (even
when I skip Salon) and for
much the same reason that I
listen to Frank Deford on NPR
or read Frank Rich in the
Times on Wednesdays. Hump day
my ass! It's a great day for
media whores like me. (Yes I
am one, but aren't we all,
'cept those who're juggling
job offers while catching
today's Ricki). I'd ask you
for a job but I'm still
learning to write feature,
much less filler.

Fill on!

David Kissinger, IDG
<DKissinger@idgbooks.com>

Still learning to write
feature? Don't skip Salon,
apply to Salon!

Subject: Congratulations ...

... on two very funny years
at Suck Duck Wong. As a long-
time reader, I regret I was
neither bored nor insulted.
Oh well. Maybe next week.

Cheers,
Jamie
<jquick@netscape.com>

If you haven't been bored or
insulted by Filler yet, then
surely you're not a long time
reader. I know I'm both bored
and insulted by it quite
regularly.

Speaking of boring and
insulting, Duck Wong sends
his best regards.

Polly