for 3 June 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Stupid Words, Continued

Hi,

I always thought "put" was
the most ridiculous-sounding
word in the English language.
Sure, "towellette/towlette"
is silly, but almost anything
ending in "-ette" is. "Put,"
free from any prefix or
suffix baggage, is absolutely
foolish-sounding despite its
brief length and ubiquity.

Tom Castle
<tom@asizip.com>

"Put" is only foolish after
fervent and unrelenting
repetition.

We've always found "Castle"
kind of pesky, actually ...

Suckiest Suck Ever

C'mon, give Frank a little
credit. He did his thing for
80-something years before he
kicked the bucket. Guys like
Jimmy Page and Keith Richards
haven't been at it for nearly
as long, but they already
look like they're ready for a
pine box. And besides that
satirizing a deathwatch isn't
very clever or funny. I
wouldn't read Suck if I
didn't like it usually, but I
have to say this was the
suckiest Suck that ever
sucked. Please print your
smartass comments below in
the Fish section.

Robert Eanes
<rob@skylist.net>

Insert your own smartass
comments here.
-or-
Send them to
Sucksters@thesuck.net, and we'll
publish them!

Then you can tell your
friends you're a "published
writer"!

Another Giant Evil Crackhead

you forgot to mention one
thing in your article how
corrupt YOUR society is its
high crime rate its abundance
of guns its overwhelming
amount of slums and ghettos
its number of dead beat dads
the complete arrogance of
your people all right so
canada does have SOME
problems but you know what is
really wrong with your
country assholes like YOU I
will not be as foolish and
ignorant as you to say that
all americans are assholes
and all are bad people but if
there is something that is
wrong with america and maybe
the world in general it is
people like yourself you know
nothing about canada you are
an outsider so keep your
opinion to yourself i don't
find americans to be that bad
actually i just want to make
known that i think you are a
bigot and it is people like
you that give everyone else a
bad reputation there are even
people like you in canada and
i'm embarrassed that i know
some and are equally as
ignorant

Alexander Menzies
<menzies@windsor.igs.net>

The sad thing is, we don't
much care what you think.

You know why?

We bet you can guess!

Bad Vibe

Dear Duke:

Hey man. Kick back. This is a
country that on Sunday and
Monday nights puts on a TV
movie about an evil
amphibious monster; on
Tuesday is having a special
TV movie about a big evil
amphibious monster; and on
widescreens everywhere you
can watch a REALLY BIG evil
amphibious monster. And you
have to ask "is this a great
time or what?"

Alan Kornheiser
The Doctor Is
INto Diving
<askornheiser@prodigy.net>

It was a rhetorical question,
Alan. As opposed to my buddy
Carl's question, whispered as
we watched Godzilla on
opening night: "Why didn't
they just poison the fish?"
That's not rhetorical, just
dumb: Who'd pay US$8 to see
Godzilla puking into a toilet
for two hours?

Duke

Hey Duke,

Yes, we live in a vacant
society. Even though food is
plentiful, shelter is
everywhere, and everyone is
rich, we neither have (nor
make) time for each other.
Year after year, we become
ever more alienated,
foreigners in our own
neighborhoods. We ignore
political leadership since,
for lack of art in our lives,
we have no sense of a shared
future. Artists are starved
out of their careers and our
culture is starving without
them. We have been taught
that this is right and good
and necessary. We are too
weak from cultural hunger to
respond. On we limp, popping
Viagra instead of reading the
novel Tom Jones. Kill your
television.
Love,

Jack Garman
<jackgrmn@cruzio.com>

OK, let's get this
straight: We need more
artists and less televisions?

Excuse me while I puke into a
toilet for two hours.

Pay me $8 and we can call it
art.

Suckster