for 17 June 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Gear & Clothing in Las Vegas

Incredible. Thank you. But I
give up ... who's Pretzel?

<jsaltz@cei.ne>

"Who's Pretzel?"
Like she told the LizardMan -
only the most provocative
writer of her generation.
Really, John, you oughta know
this shit:
http://www.booksmith.com/bitch.html.

Word,
Huck

I was entertained.

But I couldn't understand a
word of it.

<harold.williams@aalas.org>

Just get yourself scrips to
XXL, Strength, and Stress,
and you'll be comprehending
that shit in no time.

Best,
Huck

Subject: Re: St. Huck = Po
Bronson?

Is St. Huck the psuedomane
for Po Bronson?

I seem to remember "Huck"
being the nickname of Po
Bronson at Stanford.

Just wondering ... in any
case I've been enjoying St.
Huck's work in Suck over the
years, always a crackup ...
keep it coming.

<dnorthway@ svic.com>

Would the multiply blessed
Bronson really have any cause
to be as chronically bitter
and envious as me? Also, I
went to Berkeley....

Regards,
Huck

("Psuedomane"? Is that like an
antihistamine ... or an
antidote?)

mmmm, hit me with some more
of those steadman fonts ...
quel imagery of the big bad
american media schlock
industry.... such inspiration
to us all to rise to the
heights of magazine glory, is
it not?

yours in eternal slavery....

katie hull
<scarlet@eisa.net.au>

The heights of ... magazine
glory?

That's not inspiration,
that's hallucination.

Hit & Run

Uh, Fawn Hall was a minor
player in the Iran-Contra
scandal, not Teapot Dome. In
the future, why not skip the
supposedly helpful
parenthetical, since if
people don't know who Fawn
Hall is, they probably don't
know what Teapot Dome or
Iran-Contra is?

Brian Mendonca
<bgmendon@mintz.com>

Thanks for the help, Brian!
We should also add that the 4
June issue of Hit and Run
incorrectly stated that Gary
Hart's hopes for the US Prime
Ministership were dashed when
he was photographed in
flagrante with the scantily
clad, skeletal remains of
President Warren G. Harding.
Moreover, the period from
1980 to 1990 was not, as
reported here, "the magical
years of your youth." In
reality, the 80's sucked.
Finally, Brian Mendonca is
not, as initially reported,
"the world's smartest kid,"
but rather a freelance expert
on US history and defuser of
lame jokes. We regret any
inconvenience our error may
have caused Mr. Mendonca or
his family.

BarTel

Rabbit Redux

Subject: Re: Another Giant
Evil Crackhead

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I would
like to apologize as a
Canadian and solely on my own
behalf for the rather
incensed rantings of my
fellow patriot, although I
hope most other Canadians
share this sentiment. I
beseech you to overlook the
poorly punctuated letter
published recently on your
site as sent by one of the
dozen of us who still live
above the 49th parallel. In
general, we are a quiet and
punctuation-conscious bunch,
believing strongly in the use
of periods, commas, and
colons. That's right, colons.
Occasionally, during the cold
winter months, we even
attempt the proper use of the
elusive semicolon....

I should also mention that we
are not strangers to the
sentence, nor the application
of uppercase letters to such
grammatical structures (when
appropriate). In fact, we
have a long-standing
tradition of sentence use
across the country.
Everywhere I go, I hear
people speak using complete
sentences - full of nouns and
verbs, adjectives, and
adverbs. I see Albertans
writing sentences that end
with a period, Nova Scotians
using commas to denote a
clause or a list item. I love
Canada! Perhaps there are
sentences craftily hidden
within the jumble of words
meant to pass as intelligible
text, and only the lack of an
archaic and oppressive
punctuation system prevents
me, and I suspect others, from
seeing them.....

Hoping to avert an
international incident,

I. S.

Yeah, you'd better keep
hoping, buddy, because
America could kick your lousy
Canuck asses back to
prehistoric times!

Fish on Fish on Fish

Subject: Kornheiser@thesuck.net

Good Lord, are people writing
in to you guys to write to
Kornheiser? His address is at
the bottom of all of his
letters, I mean come on!

Or is Kornheiser graciously
sharing his personal email
with us?

Or, and this is the scariest
option, did you publish all
of that little dialog between
Kornheiser and Parker Smith
just so you could publish the
"response" to the next letter
with all the porno
references? I enjoy porno
references as much as the
next Suckster, but those two
were talking about books!
AHHH!

Kara Catherwood
<kara@osuunx.ucc.okstate.edu>

Someone wrote to us to write
to Kornheiser, and we asked
Kornheiser for his response.
He gave it to us. We printed
it. Then you wrote about it.
We printed that, too.

Next week: Post-its and
laundry lists from Alan
Kornheiser's junk drawer!