for 11 December 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.

I liked it. Suck takes a lot
of shit around here because
it attempts to defy the laws
of thermodynamics by making
something out of nothing,
albeit in that
I'm-so-clever-I-could-bust
way. I don't recall snideness
ever being heralded as a good
technique.

But your columns do better to
serve the
intent of Suck. You made a
good point.

BRC
<BRCOHEN@dow.com>

Dow takes a lot of shit
around here for exiting the
magnesium business, not to
mention this thing about
emphasizing the role of
METHOCEL* hydroxypropyl
methylcellulose. I mean, come
on. What's up with that?

Heralding snideness,

Ambrose Beers

That's just what we need: more
traitors and tube steak in the
White House. This is why I
killed my TV with a 12-gauge.
We have enough timorous
obsequiousness in the media
as it is. Dan Blather will
just cream.

Dood,

Dave Earnest
<dearnest@spiritone.com>

Using a 12-gauge on your TV
is a serious example of
overkill. I hope you at least
used birdshot.

Ambrose Beers

Dear Ambrose:

Just a note regarding the
Suck column on November 24th:

Although I am definitely not
a Turner apologist, I think
the jury is (or should be)
still out regarding Tailwind.
Your Web zine has the
flavor of being alternative,
but is it really? Please
check out this page for
another side of the story.
http://www.freedomforum.org/
fpfp/specialprograms/
tailwind.contents.asp

This is the rebuttal from
April Oliver (the
producer of the segment), et al.
Remember, just because Ted
and CNN retracted their story
doesn't mean it is totally
without merit.

Sincerely,

Loren Routh
Suck reader
<lorhal@hotmail.com>

Although I suspect the jury
is mostly in on Tailwind, I
also remain vaguely
suspicious. And this is why I
described the Tailwind story
as having turned out to be
"not demonstrably true"
rather than "not true." And
yes, I was - we are - highly
aware of the arguments
presented in the Freedom
Forum piece. But thanks for
the helpful reminder.

Ambrose Beers

Thanksgiving Special!

It was a great list of ways
Thanksgiving can go wrong.
But you missed one.

THE "TOTALLY DISSED"
THANKSGIVING

You plan for two of your
best friends (oh,
hypothetically, let's call
them Ficus and Ethan)
to come to your place
for Thanksgiving dinner. They
drive; you cook. So you
prepare a nice roast beef,
candied yams, green beans,
homemade pecan pie,
appetizers - a really cool
spread. You also turn down
two invitations to other
people's dinners, since
you're going to be spending
the day slacking with people
from out of town that you
don't get to see very often.

Then come 3 p.m. you get a
call from Ethan. He says he
"doesn't feel well," which
based on a couple of hints in
the conversation, must be
code for "I was up until 8
a.m. playing Starcraft and
I'm going back to bed." And
that motherfucker Ficus
doesn't even have the
consideration to call you and
let you know he's not coming
either. You get to figure
that out for yourself. So
there you are: a whole
holiday spent alone and $70
worth of leftovers to show
for it. The roast was tasty,
but you have four pounds of
it left, so you know in a
couple days the mere mention
of the words "roast beef"
will induce a Pavlovian
vomiting response.

And then, as if you weren't
feeling sorry enough for
yourself, you find yourself
ending the day by emailing
some writer at a Web zine,
wondering if it's possible to
sink any lower.

I liked the article. Thanks,

<name withheld to protect
the dissed>

People certainly do
disappoint, don't they?

That should be Filler's
subtitle. As in Filler:
Because People Disappoint.

Either that or:
Filler: Chock Full o'
Fascinating Insights into the
Human Condition.

As disappointed as ever,

Polly

Either it was the four Sierra
Nevadas I drank in the wake
of Thanksgiving or the music
coming out of my stereo
(Future Days, Can), but I
found it very eerie that we
share the exact same
misadventures of the
aforementioned holiday. (OK,
I was in Florida, not
Hawaii.) What gives? Is the
FBI offering Pay-Per-View of
my phone taps? Or have you
tapped into one of them there
Jungian archetypes? Whatever
it was, kudos - and don't do
it again, awright?

Sort of creeped out,

Randy
<randy@mythbelievers.com>

I drank four Sierra Nevadas
in the wake of Thanksgiving,
too. So did everyone else.
We're all living the exact
same mundane life, don't you
see?

It's yet another reason why people
disappoint. But it sure makes
"humor" easy.

Even more disappointed,

Polly

Cap'n Credit Crunch

LeTexan

Good observation. I recall
reading the Journal story
about lending to the retarded
and thinking, "Surely there is
some form of consumer
information that would
indicate these people are ill
suited for a revolving credit
product?" And since my
business frequently deals
with large banks and lenders,
I took the opportunity to ask
them about it. My clients'
response: "We have the
ability to discover anything
and everything about a
prospective loan applicant,
including any disabilities."

Fitting, then, that these
people who can find out
"anything and everything"
about whatever they wish
frequently have the lack of
vision and foresight to stay
out of financial trouble.

All of which is a long way of
saying: Thanks for the
interesting and dead-on
piece.

Scott Ballew
<scott_ballew@columadv.com>

I have no doubt that these
companies are using highly
sophisticated credit-scoring
software and simply skipping
over information like:
Employer: Taco John's.

But the fun's just starting.
Wait until Phil Gramm gets
picked to plant his butt in
the Chair of the Senate
Banking Committee. For a guy
who failed the third,
seventh, and ninth grades, I
bet his credit's impeccable.

LeTeXan

My spies led me to your page.
Many thanks not only for the
mention, but also for having
read that far into my book.
Doesn't happen often.
Regards.

James K. Galbraith
<Galbraith@mail.utexas.edu>

Thanks for reading, Professor
Galbraith. We hope accessing
our page doesn't provoke any
overzealous UT snoops to
terminate your Net
privileges.

And by the way, we think your
prose got a bum rap in The
New York Times.

Say hi to Michael King at The
Texas Observer for us,

LeTeXan

This is a form of flame that
I hope you read. If you had
the brains to read than I
hope that you will study
economics before you spout
off left-wing shit. George
Reisman in his book
Capitalism blowes away fools
like Galbraith by the gross.
You may find this above you
as it only deals with
provable facts, instead of
pre-packaged floating
abstractions like you site. I
love my life and know that I
am best at doing what is
right for me. You are
promoting state control "for
the good of all of us." Hey
shit head, what makes you the
moral dictator? If what you
wish came true here we would
have one more example like E.
Germany or the old USSR to
look at. Only now you prick,
it is the USA that you want
to fuck. Either you are a
budding Hitler type or you
have been sucked in by the
fools on the left. Either
way, for now most of us just
laugh at your kind of
thinking. It is fortunats
that you do not have any
power to make us victoms of
your 1/2 baked thinking.

RESPECTFULLY

JIM BATTARBEE

Recipe for Suck du Jour:

1 email account
1 Web browser
1/3 mastery of language of
choice
1/2 baked thinking
Simmer several hours. Season
to taste.

Enjoy!

Proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm
free to be called a "budding
Hitler type" for thinking
Alan Greenspan is a
somewhat-less-than-well-
intentioned doofus,

LeTeXan

Do you, or your prestigious
Web-developing staff, have a
list or link to the database
of previous Fillers? I like
the site as it is and read it
daily, if I can. But, I like
the Fillers and Terry Colon's
artwork, it brightens my day
here at Ohio State sometimes
when I am down. Just a
thought. Thanks.

Christopher Banyots
<yots+@osu.edu>

If Suck is your lifeline when
things are bad, you are in
big, big trouble. The last
guy to rely on us in this
fashion is now serving
20-to-life at San Quentin.
With that said, you may
access the Filler archive at:
https://www.thesuck.net/archive/
filler/

or the entire menu of Suck's
leftovers:
https://www.thesuck.net/barrel/

... as you wish. Be strong.

Ambrose Beers

I really like your articles,
but I like to print them out
for my computerless friend
next-door. So why do you
extend your message over so
many pages?

Don Conley
<Donaconley@aol.com>

Because we don't like your
computerless friend
next-door.

We thought you knew.

Ambrose Beers