for 5 March 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Dude,

Youre completely cool,,, I'm
way fu ked right now,. but I
klnow that youre the
coolests/////...

David Lee roth was born and
REARED in Bloomington, IN,
wherre I'm sequestered right
now, enduring the academic
rigors of IU...... He>is the
anti-chtrist, wqhich :I k ow
I can't evne spell right now,
But so is everyone,,,
including me .... THE
ANTICHRIST wll come ffrom IUJ
and it will fuck up
everyone!!!~!

FUCK,....

Sorrty for this drunbk
shit......NEIL
<nrgraf@indiana.edu>

Don't apologize for reading
drunk, Neil. If all Suck
readers followed your
example, they'd probably get
a lot more enjoyment out of
the publication.

Huck

Hi,

I enjoyed yesterday's column,
funny but a bit
disconcerting.

I think part of the reason I
moved to Brazil is because of
people like Falwell. Where
did you get that "Of course
he (the antichrist) will be
Jewish" quote from? Is
Reagan's favorite preacher
really worked up about a
bunch of sexoholic simians? I
assumed that was a joke, but
with Falwell you never can
tell, and, being way south of
the Rio Grande, it's hard to
keep current. And what about
C3PO, R2D2, Bert and Ernie,
etc.?

About 10 years ago I heard a
story on the radio that I
think you'd appreciate. Jimmy
(Lee) Swaggart, Jerry Lee
Lewis, and Mickey Gilly are
first cousins, but were
raised almost as brothers -
learning piano, playing, and
going to church together. For
years Swaggart went on TV
about how his cousin Jerry
was a tragic example of
someone tempted away from the
"righteous path" by the
Devil. When Swaggart at first
vehemently denied but then
had to admit that he'd been
getting blow jobs from a
whore*, The Killer got a
chance to even up the score.
A few days after his pious
cousin's crying confessional,
he was giving a show in LA
and made his first comments
on the controversy: "Well, I
spoke with my cousin Jimmy
the other day and well ... it
was the first time since the
news broke, and well ... I
just had to ask him about
it.... I said, 'Jimmy, I
thought we had ourselves an
agreement. I wouldn't mess
with your kinda woman and you
wouldn't mess with mine!'"

*A Southerner of humble
origins who rises to fame and
power; accusations of
adulterous fellatio;
unequivocal denials followed
by a confession, apologies,
and bids for forgiveness; a
near fall from power - does
this story sound familiar?

Leonard F. Colby
<len@elogica.com.br>

Falwell made the antichrist
remark while addressing a
crowd at a conference on
evangelism. All the rest of
Falwell's targets within
"Yawn at the Devil" were
either the product of my
imagination or my
extrasensory perception -
only time will tell.

Huck

Well, it was about time
somebody exhumed David Lee
Roth! Who's next?

<stefan@ratbike.org>

Exhumed? Diamond Dave has
never departed - and has in
fact grown even more
interesting over the years.
His autobiography, Crazy from
the Heat, comes highly
recommended.

Huck

You cannot know how happy it
makes me to see the phrase
"loutish war criminal Henry
Kissinger" spread far and
wide (at least by Suck
standards). Could you perhaps
start a war criminals gallery
akin to the Net Moguls thing?
You could restrict it to
Americans so as not to seem
high and mighty to your
overseas readers. I can't
imagine you would run out of
candidates for quite some
time, if ever.

kill kill kill,

<rexmundi@ sirius.com>

Very interesting. How about a
"Known Sexual Offenders"
gallery? Or a "Mean Daddy"
gallery?

There are so many
possibilities. The mind
races. The heart races.

To the races!

Sucksters

Y2K

Subject: The Year 10,000

Jonathan Miller wrote:

Isn't it time to start
worrying about the Y10K
problem? It's only 800 years
away.

Jonathan Miller
<millerjs@rocketmail.com>

Eight hundred years from now,
it will be 2799. And
math will still be important.

yr pal,

Bartel

More Mike Davis and Cheese,
Please!

Hey,

Did you see it? You got
called tools of the media
establishment.

BTW, is there a source that
actually checked all the
footnotes in the book, in
order to gauge the extent, if
any, of Davis'
exaggeration/fraud? There's
nothing like anecdotal
evidence from all sides to
confuse a muddled college
student.

The Management of the DFN
<saurav.sarkar@yale.edu>

They not only called us tools
of the media establishment,
but tools of the wrong media
establishment. Contrary to
what was said in The Nation,
Suck has not been affiliated
with Wired magazine for
almost a year.

I thought the most
interesting part of the
Westwater files was his
demonstration that the Bunker
Hill development was not the
armed concentration camp
described by Davis (and in
the text of his book, not the
footnotes). While Brady's
personality may not win him
many friends, he has pretty
effectively been shown to be
accurate on this point and
many others.

But you're right. The whole
thing has gotten into a lot
of secondhand verbal
Ping-Pong. We're sorry we
brought the whole thing up.
But we still say LA is OK!

yr pal,

Bartel

Sorry, you lost me with one
visit. When advertising
banners are flashing at me
anywhere on the Web page (in
this case over an inch of the
bottom of my 15-inch screen),
I am so irritated and
distracted, my knee-jerk
reaction is to leave the site
as quickly as I can. And I
did.

dj
<ww2525@mail.aracnet.com>

Oh dear! Apparently you're
under the impression that
there is such a thing as a
free lunch!

Seek therapy immediately, or
alternately, send us a
one-time payment of US$500, and
we'll put a special ad-free
edition of Suck up at
https://www.thesuck.net/~dj/.
Plus we'll throw in a free
personal phone call from the
Suckster of your choice, at
home or work! He or she will
whisper five minutes of sweet
nothings in your ear or tell
you to fuck off - whichever
you like!

Wait, did we mention your
complimentary Fuck You
Custard Pie? It's in the
mail!

Enjoy! - or - Goodbye!

Sucksters