for 10 November 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Filler (Un)Empowered Polly, A few things: You state that Mr. Flinchy is supposed to be thinking mostly about "chili cheeseburgers or beating off." Since I am male, I feel that this statement is completely erroneous. Most of the time Mr. Flinchy will be thinking about sex. Period. How he gets off is by his own personal taste, but sex is the foremost thought in his mind. Actually, more times than not, it's his only thought. To intimate chili cheeseburgers might take center stage is just plain wrong. I don't know any guy who has a thing for Jodi Foster. Now, if you meant this as a backhanded insult to the dumpee (which I am sure you did), it still doesn't fit with Mr. Flinchy. Remember, he is thinking about sex, and when the challenge is presented, he is not going to have the presence of mind to say something witty right then. Oh, sure, he'll tell his buddies that's what he said, but odds are he'll blurt out something like "the cast of Baywatch" or any other large-breasted girl. Also, Mr. Flinchy would turn on the radio during the monologue. Which would have also gotten him in trouble. Just some thoughts on Mr. Flinchy. Thoughtlessly yours, Russell May <russmebs@hotmail.com> You're confusing Mr. Flinchy, an intelligent slice of hell, with someone far less interesting, and therefore, far less damaging — yourself, perhaps. Ha, ha, ha. Grrrrr. Just kidding. Even more thoughtlessly, Polly  Oh, Polly, Polly, Polly. You're not funny. So goddamn unfunny I'd like to insert several score of rusty staples into your arid cunt and make you do the Terry Fox Indefatigable Gimp Run. The final satisfaction would come when you've realized it was all for your self betterment. Jeff Exner <hotttbunzz@hotmail.com> Oh, baby! You read my secret desires like a book! Polly Subject: Canada ROCKS and the United States SUCKS I read your topic on Canada recently, and that is completely wrong. The United States is a bunch of crap. You are the only place that still uses inches and feet and Fahrenheit, which shows how damn bullheaded you are. Also, no other country in the world likes the United States. With all your goddamn crap you do, everyone hates you. Canada, on the other hand — EVERY OTHER COUNTRY LOVES CANADIANS. No other country likes Americans. Some goddamn piece-of-crap Americans like you even pretend you're Canadian so other people are nice to you when you're in a foreign country — because everywhere people think the United States is crap. CANADA ROCKS AND THE UNITED STATES SUCKS!!!!!! Canada ROCKS <canada_rocks_the_world@hotmail.com> Thank you for your compelling argument that the United States is a bunch of crap. You've inspired us to reassess all our former preconceptions about our homeland. Only pretending we're Canadian when imitating Celine Dion, Sucksters Microsoft Words 1.0 It figures that since Microsoft couldn't make any money on it, the company would keep it from the rest of us. Maybe it's holding off, waiting for some new technology to come out. I think this photograph of God you mention could really help draw attention to MS' new dictionary site. From here it looks as if the company overlooked a great marketing opportunity. Trey <nvaughan@pillsbury.com> The way I heard it, there was room for only so many photos in the "G" section of the EWED, and in the end, the one of Whoopi Goldberg focus-grouped better than the one of God. Huck Do you have a photograph of God? Can I see it? <leah_ed@ hotmail.com> No. Huck Hi Huck, I laughed till I cried when I read this today. Loved the Slate comment! Thanks for lifting my spirits. You're a great writer. Melody Allen Dripping Springs, TX Thanks for your note, Melody. I think you're only the second person who's ever cried over my work — me being the first, of course. I would consider this progress, but since you hail from a place called Dripping Springs, it seems like maybe you're just prone to such hydraulics. Huck Subject: Dickshunairy Enjoyed your piece on the Bill Gates amazing made-from- text New World dickshunairy. Hey, I make up good words all the time, such as "ludicrosity," which is the display and/or possession of ludicrous behaviors or tendencies. Can you put me in touch with somebody to whose dictionary I could contribute? Keep up the good work. Yr pal, Griffin <g.norman@mindspring.com> Well, like I said in the piece, the OED is accepting new words. The catch is that they have to have appeared in print — but if your letter appears in Fish, maybe you're on your way. Keep us posted. Huck "Although Americans are more likely to own a dictionary than any other kind of book, they tend to keep that dictionary around for years after the house copy of Airframe has been composted; the purchase-to-obsolescence lag time can exceed that of the family dog, if not the children." So all these people have dictionaries. But the question is: What do they use them for, if anything? Nowadays, when people need to check the spelling of a word, they use a word processor's spellchecker — a decade-old innovation that has turned most people's dictionaries into dust magnets. If there's anyone left in the world who actually wants to look up the meaning of a word, it's probably in the (now freeware) Webster's 1913 (http://humanities. uchicago.edu/ forms_unrest/ webster. form.html). And you're usually better off just going to AltaVista for uses of the word and guessing the meaning from context. But no one makes money off dictionaries getting used — they make money off dictionaries getting sold. So maybe the ultimate biz model for Encarta will be a blend of Rolling Stone and Who's Who (to name two other things no one has read in decades). On the cover, there'll be a half-naked celebrity; and on the inside, unedited nonsense that "amateur lexicographers" can pay to get included. No one will read a word of it, and it'll sell like hotcakes! Sean Burke <sburke@netadventure.net> That is a great idea. As someone who has coined many new words over the last few years, only to see none of them really catch on, I would most certainly pay to have some of them immortalized in the EWED. And then if they went and put, say, Jewel, on the cover, I'd probably buy a copy too. Huck |
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